“I snuck my younger children out. My 10-year-old and I grabbed the only belongings I had hidden. As we walked quietly to the door, his music stopped! I whispered, ‘FREEZE, DONT MOVE.’ With tears in my eyes I thought this was it, he knew I was escaping. ‘Run, run now!’”
‘I needed to tell, in case I went ‘missing.’ I was terrified. ‘You’ve been talking again, haven’t you?’ I ran into the bathroom. ‘Mom, please come.’ It was now or never. It HAD to happen NOW!’
‘You’re an angel,’ he said to me after a night of being told I was worthless. The sun started to shine through the window, it reeked of booze and I had yet to sleep. I wanted to be that ‘angel.’
“My grandma passed away, and everything came crumbling down around me. I was alone. I needed him more than anything now. I needed his support, I needed him to hold me and listen to the speech I had prepared for her funeral. Instead, he did the exact opposite. ‘I need space,’ he said. SPACE?!”
‘He told me he was my master. He demanded complete obedience. He was always disappearing. He told me it was my fault. He told me I was crazy.’
“He took me to expensive restaurants. He remembered my favorite wine. He let me spend the night. I spent all my energy trying to impress him. I didn’t want to be a single mom. I didn’t want to be alone. I made the hardest decision of my life.”
‘I don’t know her name, but she was our hero on our flight home. Everyone on the plane was looking at us, annoyed by my son’s outburst.’
“He had a sudden meltdown and we couldn’t keep him calm no matter what we tried. This flight attendant asked if she could hold him. I warned her he might get aggressive and try to gouge her eyes.”
‘I got a text from my mom. It said ‘Hey Crystal, give me a call when you get a chance, when the kids aren’t around, you’re not driving and not going to work.’ I knew right away it wasn’t going to be great news.’
“I went to the only place I knew I could actually be alone, and able to talk without little ears around. I sat in my car, in the driveway and I dialed my phone, my mom answered, and we had the conversation. The one that you never want to have.”
‘The morning we left, I snuck into Olive’s room, kissed her cheeks and said goodbye, never knowing if I would see her again. I never knew how dearly I would come to love such a tiny little human.’
“She would cry many mornings as I cried, broken over the pain she was experiencing and longing with a deep ache for an adoptive family for her where she would know the love of a forever home.”
‘That girl wears so much makeup, she must be high maintenance. She’s pretty, so she’s dumb. I see an awful lot of claws out.’
“Growing up, I was often complimented that I was ‘not like other girls’. I loved to play sports, crack jokes and hang out with my brother’s friends. I put my hair in a pony tail and wore blue jeans. And I wasn’t like other girls. Because other girls were… Hmm. I don’t know, exactly.”
‘My daughter, who is always listening, said, ‘I bet she will say, ‘OH, NO! It’s fine!’ But deep down, she will be angry at you.’ That is what my 9-year-old daughter has already learned. From me.’
“I lie awake after parties and wonder if my joke was taken the wrong way. Whose feelings did I hurt? I apologized to my daughter for my actions that lead her to think women had to hide. That pleasing people should be a top priority. The truth is enough.”
‘I looked at my daughter standing beside me. You could see the fear in her eyes. No one was talking. I finally yelled out ‘HELLO!’
“I kept thinking, ‘I just have to make it to the hospital, I just need to make it to the hospital.’ Her coloring was terrible. I entered the door carrying my limp daughter.”
‘Are you prepared to take care of someone with an EXTREME disability?,’ she asked while practically rolling her eyes. It wasn’t a question. It was more of an accusation.’
“His head was shaped differently, his ears were low set and he had an extra thumb on his hand. ‘Did anybody see this?,’ I asked. My midwife nodded.”
