“Sometimes I’d hit a vein and the blood would shoot out in an arc, creating stripes across the mirror and pouring into the sink. I was cutting away everything seemingly imperfect. Pulling out little threads which turned out to be nerves, partially paralyzing my lower lip and bits of my chin. I still didn’t stop.”
‘Why would you do this to yourself? This is just bizarre.’ It’s hard to look in the mirror and see the damage I’ve done.’: Woman shares her history of self-mutilation and bulimia
‘I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up.’ I was starving for love, I wanted to be someone’s whole universe.:’ Young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder describes issues with love and boundaries, says she is fighting and working on ME’
“I started crying a lot and cutting myself. I began smoking cigarettes and drinking. I was stoned all the time. I still missed my father. Every time I saw him in town, he walked away. He ignored me, pretending I didn’t exist. And he still does, and has for 11 years.”
‘If you date a girl, you’re going to hell.’ I broke her heart the instant the words escaped my lips.’: 14-year-old takes in cousin’s daughter as her own, helps her through homosexuality, self-harm, ‘We were always meant to be a family’
“She caught me by surprise. ‘What would you do if I dated a girl?’ I immediately told her, ‘If you date a girl, you’re going to hell.’ The instant the words escaped my lips, something else hit me harder than the fear of my child in hell. I broke her heart. I never thought my child would be gay. I began noticing small cuts on her arms. I was losing her. I would have risked anything for her to find herself and be happy.”
‘I can’t marry you this way.’ He cancelled our wedding. I wrecked my car, relapsed twice, and was sent to inpatient rehab.’: Woman recovers from addiction, ‘There is always hope for change’
“I thought marriage would be the end of all my problems. 6 months into my sobriety, we found out we were having a baby. I quickly got addicted to my painkillers and stopped breastfeeding 4 weeks in. ‘Your life will never get better. Just end it.’ I sat there and cried with a shotgun in hand. I was taken away in an ambulance while my son slept in the next room. I went from being the middle class, church going, straight As, lead in in musicals, student council member to prison time.”
‘Since my divorce, I’ve seen a plastic surgeon every month. Not for Botox. I had to face what I’d done with every shower, every decision to wear short sleeves or a bathing suit.’
“I had surprised my family with it. My husband told me he loved what I’d done to myself, but what he didn’t tell me was that he was having an affair. I often wonder what he must’ve felt when he saw his name on my wrist and knew he was lying.”
‘If you EVER speak out, I know where the bullets are.’ I walked in the snow for miles in short sleeves. I woke up in the hospital, angry I survived, and pulled out all the hospital tubes.’
“I looked up from my bed and saw my mother and sister at the door. The look in their eyes is something I never want to see again. I feared that I had to be cured. I wish I had seen the warning signs.’
‘You’re lucky I’m with you, because you’re really fat.’ I was always just the smart girl with a pretty face. I was never the total package.’: Woman overcomes bullying, depression to carry out extreme weight loss, ‘I transformed into a warrior’
“From the moment I started school, I was always the biggest kid in class. At one point, I was pulled out of school for 8 weeks. Rumors started. I heard a group of girls talking about how I should have never come back. I was a ‘pig.’ Trying to fit in and make every test an A+ began to get harder and harder. I was desperate for love and acceptance. My life quickly spiraled out of control.”
‘His little voice begged me to wake up. ‘Don’t die, mommy. Don’t die, mommy.’ His hug, his kiss and his tenderness, lying next to me for hours as I sobbed.’
“Another fight left me to sleep in the guest room. My middle child, my baby boy, crawled into bed with me as my head throbbed and I couldn’t’ stop the room from spinning. Again. My loudest rock bottom came like a whisper – It was his touch.”
‘I was 15 years old and had been caught.’: Woman overcomes eating disorder and surprise pregnancy
“I know how you’re doing it,’ she whispered, then laughed and walked away. I locked myself in the bathroom while my he pounded on the door, begging me to let him in. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t believe what I was staring at. My heart pounded, and my mind raced. Was this real? Was it a faulty test? My baby was so tiny, but he or she was there, in my belly.”
‘I remember picking it up. I remember hitting my arm with the sharp edge repeatedly until I saw scratches, and then blood. I remember feeling better.’
“These scars are my war marks of fighting to LIVE.”
