“The village you need to raise a baby felt more like a ghost town. I had no clue what I was doing. There was endless crying, anxiety so severe I didn’t leave the house, stretch marks, flab, puffiness. I despised it all. All I could think was, ‘It has to be better than this.'”
‘The precious time I should’ve had with my newborn was stolen from me. My patience was tried, my marriage tested. I was at rock bottom with no way up. I needed to prove I was a good mom.’
‘You’d be SO MUCH prettier if you lost weight.’ I was 10. My siblings got juice, while I was only offered water. When we got into fights, ‘fatty’ was their low blow.’
“With a disgusted look, my own trainer asked, ‘Why are you SO overweight?’ I felt like I was just punched in my (fat) gut. I cancelled my gym membership and dropped out of high school. Ashamed and embarrassed, I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. I always felt in competition with my siblings.”
‘Momma, when are you gonna get better? I miss how you used to be.’ I could no longer lift her up. I didn’t have the guts to tell her there’s no cure.’
“I was walking down the sidewalk when I suddenly felt like my body was struck by lightning. My legs grew heavier with each step. All I could think was, ‘Something is very wrong.’ Nothing like this had ever happened before. The scariest part is fearing every day that I’ve passed it onto my daughter.”
‘If you EVER speak out, I know where the bullets are.’ I walked in the snow for miles in short sleeves. I woke up in the hospital, angry I survived, and pulled out all the hospital tubes.’
“I looked up from my bed and saw my mother and sister at the door. The look in their eyes is something I never want to see again. I feared that I had to be cured. I wish I had seen the warning signs.’
‘I had one job: protect my children. The next day he was gone and there was no way to get him back. I felt myself slipping away from reality.’
“On my son’s birthday, I laid on the floor, belly-down, with my hands on my chest to force myself not to hyperventilate. Minutes later, I rejoined the party with a smile on my face. ‘I am fine,’ I told myself.”
‘At the pool, a boy screamed, ‘Look at her feet!’ Embarrassed, I quickly ran away. I had to hide my secret. I was the only girl in 6th grade wearing it. I felt I had no choice.’
“The doctor marinated my skin with liquids strong enough to take off nail polish. I begged for answers. They didn’t know how to cure it. They still don’t.”
‘I did the unspeakable. And when the officer said, ‘What happened?’ I replied, ‘I need help.’
“I began my life long journey with mental health when I was nine-years-old. Little did I know that asking and getting help would change everything.”
I am falling in love with someone who has a mental disease
“What he needs is someone who won’t go away, just like people have gone away when I have told them about my illness.”
