“I spent four years building the life I wanted, and it all got pulled from under me after I graduated. How do I function without all of these THINGS? I didn’t know. Not to mention the pressures of the real world creeping up on you.”
‘Post College Depression is a thing, I have it, WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT IT?’
‘I was pushed around, thrown into chairs by a group of older kids. I was kicked with such force I actually passed out.’
“I fell to the floor and cried like I have never cried in my life and talked about driving off a bridge. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for my mum to see her 6 foot, 8 inch, 18 stone son breaking down in front of her.”
‘The baby suddenly gagged and then violently vomited what seemed to be a weeks’ worth of breast milk. I held her up and she was lifeless. She was unresponsive.’
“I immediately told my oldest to dial 9-1-1. She was trembling. I was trying to figure out if the baby was breathing. I realized my oldest was unable to call; she dialed 1-9-9 in utter fear.”
‘I received a text from my mother: ‘Can you come home after work please, I want to talk to you about the results of my CT scan.’ I raced home. My heart sank.’
“To this day, I thank God she was in that room. ‘There is no heart rate on the monitor,’ she said. We pressed the emergency button and the nurses and doctor came running in. The minutes that followed were very scary, very intense.”
‘I remember this guy said I had a ‘tight rig.’ I never ate much, I glorified my thinness. I was valued. I was funny, I felt pretty.’
“I met a guy, we fell in love and wanted babies. 3 kids, 2 vaginals, 1 cesarean, postpartum depression, antidepressant weight gain, and life later, this is my rig. I hated it. I would say it was broken. It’s not the person I valued anymore.”
‘Realizing I was gay gave me feelings I was trying to numb. I felt like I was doing something wrong and if people found out, I wouldn’t be loved. I spent 15 years in a downward spiral.’
“I hated drugs, but I also couldn’t be away from them. My family had no idea what to do. You name it, they tried it in hopes of getting their son back – but it got a lot worse before it got better.”
‘I began pushing my wife away as harshly as I could, yet she stuck around. Why? Why won’t she just leave? We are all miserable and it’s because of me. Doesn’t she see that?’
“My wife and son would come home and tip toe around me as my anger would rear its ugly head. Unbeknownst to me, my wife was scared to be out of the house for too long as that caused my anger to rise as well. ‘What the f*ck were you doing? You know I am f*cked up and can’t ‘babysit’ our son!,’ I would shout.”
‘I get it. I finally get it. You see moms committing suicide. And I couldn’t understand it. How do you leave your kids behind like that?’
“And then everybody posts, ‘Oh, I never knew. She didn’t say anything. She seemed okay.’ She TOLD you.”
‘His dying wish was to be home. I never got to thank him for drying my tears when I was broken inside as a victim of bullying.’
“It’s the things I no longer remember that hurt so deeply. What it feels like to wrap my arms around his neck to hug him. I no longer remember the feeling of joy he brought me. Loving him feels like a lifetime ago.”
‘I held my baby and cried. I’ve never felt so alone and helpless. But then, I felt a cold nose on my arm. He was looking up at me to say, ‘Don’t worry Mom, you’re not alone. You have me.’
“He is my Service dog, and my best friend. I needed a C-section. When the time, I gave him a wink and a short goodbye. ‘Can I see it?’ ‘It sure is a noisy little thing!’ ‘Let me see, let me see!’”
