“It was a dreary day. I was standing by the window with tears streaming down my face. The kids were whining in the background. The house was a complete disaster. I was trembling and my knuckles were white from gripping the chair. My marriage was crumbling before my eyes.”
‘I’d be driving to work and see the ‘perfect’ tree to ram my car into. I stared at the railing upstairs, picking out the spot to hang from. I knew this was not normal, but it was my new normal.’
‘Really, Daddy? Are you really going to let them CUT MY ARM OFF?’ My son’s face fell. A silent tear trickled down his cheek.’
“He looked in horror at me and his daddy. My husband held my son as he became frantic. It hurts to know my child worried so much, and never brought it to me.”
‘My mom rushed in shouting, ‘Get up! Get up! I need you to keep your dad from getting out of bed.’ I sprinted to their room. ‘911? This must be serious! My mom is running, she never runs!’
“My dad was a zombie. He groaned this horrendous noise. As tears rushed down my cheeks, I ran over. There was a surprise guest waiting to pick me up. ‘They are not sure your mom is going to make it,’ he said. ‘But everyone said it wouldn’t be like my dad!,’ was all I kept repeating.”
‘My husband was distant and mean, calling me his ‘future ex-wife.’ He drank too much and went to bed. He was on the phone with his cheating partner as I was cleaning up.’
“I asked him if he’d had another affair. He denied it at first saying ‘they were just friends,’ but I knew the truth. I even could guess who it was. Over a few bottles of wine, some markers and poster board, the epic ‘Take my Ex’s Stuff Yard Sale’ was created, and a hit in the neighborhood.”
‘The guy who brought me to the party passed out. I should have left him, but I’m a loyal person. I fell asleep and was awoken by a man’s body on top of mine. I couldn’t move and yelled for help.’
“I remember telling my mom, ‘I would die if something happened to you.’ She always reassured me, ‘I’m not going anywhere Erica.’ I whole-heartedly believed she would live forever. Then she started complaining of severe headaches. Selfishly, I thought, ‘Well if God took my Grannie, he can’t take my mom too.'”
‘My wife must regret spending her life with me. If she met someone different, she’d have perfectly healthy children,’ I told myself. ‘He is one of 34 people known to have this.’ My heart sank. ‘What? In the country?’ ‘No, in the world.’
“I remember thinking, ‘Maybe we just aren’t the best of parents.’ Little did I know my wife was secretly researching and had discovered a condition. One day, she showed me a video. My heart sunk. I felt dizzy. Straight away, I knew this was what our boy had.”
‘I cheated on you with a woman I met at the gym. She has a daughter, and I’m her father. She’ll be 1-year-old in a few days.’ My mind went blank. ‘Did she know you were married?,’ I asked.’
“If you had told me 4 years ago I would be sitting in a waiting room with my husband, his affair partner, and her mother, I would have laughed in your face. But here I am. I’ll never forget what happened next.”
‘Momma, why can’t I walk like my friends?’ His legs were sticking straight up in the air, unable to bend. A lady in Walmart was staring long and hard.’
“His 6-year-old brother stepped in. He said, ‘What’s wrong? Haven’t you ever seen a kid in a wheelchair?’ I’ve lost count of the number of times a parent has told their children, ‘Stay away from that child!'”
‘Get out,’ he said. He left me on the side of the road and ran over my phone. It was pouring rain. I was in my pajamas, barefoot. ‘Mom, I think I made a mistake.’
“It was New Year’s Eve and I was four days late for my period. I felt a hot flash and burning sensation spread across my face. I awoke to his voice. ‘Who is this guy you’ve been texting?’”
‘I said ‘I don’t want to live anymore, my kids deserve better than this, I should have never had them and dragged them down with me’ I wanted a lifeline. I wanted that chance of hope.’
“But instead I got ‘you should feel so lucky! You are blessed.’ Imagine telling yourself you’re so worthless, you’re not deserving, that you literally mess everything you touch and feeling guilty for all of that, like a tumble dryer in your head, swirling around and then someone says, ‘be grateful’”
