Depression

‘I said ‘I don’t want to live anymore, my kids deserve better than this, I should have never had them and dragged them down with me’ I wanted a lifeline. I wanted that chance of hope.’

“But instead I got ‘you should feel so lucky! You are blessed.’ Imagine telling yourself you’re so worthless, you’re not deserving, that you literally mess everything you touch and feeling guilty for all of that, like a tumble dryer in your head, swirling around and then someone says, ‘be grateful’”

‘My psychologist said, ‘K, I think we need to stop. It’s clear you have so much trauma. I can’t believe you’re still here.’: Woman advocates for mental health, ‘We need to be there for each other’

“I was on a bus to work when the voice came back: ‘You should just cut yourself.’ It startled me. Then the nightmares started. I met my psychologist, a male. I told him about the stalking. I told him I watched my friend attempt suicide many times in front of me and saw death coming for her.”

‘Get here now! It’s bad, it’s real bad.’ I jumped out of bed and yelled, ‘We have to go now! Something has happened.’ I knelt down beside him. ‘I am so sorry son, I love you so much Joshua.’

“My fiancé hardly had the car in park. I jumped out and ran down the driveway toward my son. Before I could get to Josh, two police officers held me back. I cried out, ‘My baby, my baby, I want my baby!’ At that moment, I knew my worst nightmare had come true. My precious son was gone in a blink of an eye.”

‘It’s time to let go.’ They wrapped him in his Superman blanket. Daddy held his little boy, for the last time.’: Couple lose first child to extremely rare YARS2 disorder, ‘Every single day we miss his smell, his little personality’

“This was no ‘ear infection.’ How could I not have known? The walk to the hospital was silent. When we got to his room, he was still warm. It was the first time we’d seen him without tape, monitors, and wires all over. He was absolutely beautiful. I cried and kissed his cheeks. ‘I’m so proud of you. You were so strong. Thank you for letting me be your mommy.’ I cuddled him like I did the first day he was born. I gave him one final kiss, and handed him to his daddy.”

‘My doctor held my hand and started, ‘Tami…’ In that moment, I knew. I couldn’t breathe because I knew. Or at least I thought I did. My heart exploded with relief!’

“We were walking out of the house when a feather floated right in front of us. As we sat enjoying our morning coffee, another tiny feather made an appearance. On the drive home, I kept thinking … two feathers … what does that mean? But I had a hunch. I went straight to the bathroom and found a pregnancy test.”

‘Desperate, I messaged her. We had nothing in common but our abuser. She immediately said, ‘Come stay with me.’: Women become best friends after surviving same abuser, ‘I can’t imagine life without her’

“I was carrying our abuser’s baby after I had accused her of lying about him. ‘I’m so sorry for not believing you.’ I was nothing to her, and she took me in. When she walked into that elevator, I grabbed her and hugged her tight. She held me back and just cried uncontrollably.”

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