Depression

‘I bought a rope and began to hang myself.’ I was living a fantasy of mine. I didn’t see myself living past 30.’: Young woman survives addiction, multiple suicide attempts, says suffering has been her ‘greatest teacher’

“I was addicted to the act of numbing myself from the anxiety. I was so desperately seeking attention outside myself, not knowing I needed to learn to give it to myself. I have tried everything in my power to end my life. And, guess what? Nothing worked. Hi, I am still here! Life has seasons, just like us. What’s a sunny day without the dark clouds and rain?”

‘I met my husband at 16, got pregnant at 17. He told me he was ‘different’ than all the other teen dads.’: Young mom overcomes ‘the ugly’ in her life, urges us to ‘put mental health first’

“My mental health took a turn for the worst. I found myself not wanting to clean, cook, or shower. I barely wanted to be a mom. Noah and I began arguing. One day, I spread a bottle of pills all over my bed and my mom walked in. I was forced to go to the hospital and get help. I just wanted to go back to being the person I was.”

‘Please, when I wake up, change me into a boy.’ I’d make deals with God and wake up excited. Nothing changed.’: Transgender man finally ‘at peace,’ loves who he sees ‘looking back in the mirror’

“Growing up, there was this football field behind my house. I’d go there and lie down in the middle of the it, looking up at the sky and begging God to strike me with a lightning bolt. And just change me. Change my body. Every day I did this, and woke up sobbing. I didn’t have a word for how I felt. I knew I was attracted to women. But I also knew I felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.”

‘This morning, your son died. You stare at the ceiling, hoping your nightmare will be over. I know.’: Mom pens haunting letter to her ‘past self’ warning of grief she’s about to endure

“Right now it feels hopeless. As you hold your lifeless baby in your arms, you’re silently pleading for a miracle you know won’t come. You’re aching, screaming inside. Every tear that falls on his still face feels like a piece of your soul trying to seep life back into him. Every breath you take feels like betrayal. How can you, when he is not. I know.”

‘Why did you cut her?! She didn’t give you permission to do that.’ My blood boiled. He just stared, his face blank.’: Doctor performs episiotomy on mother without her permission during childbirth because he had ‘somewhere to be at 7 p.m.’

“Snnniiipppp. My doctor used scissors to cut me open ‘down there’ to make it easier to push the baby out. ‘What did you do?!’ I asked the male, 50-year-old doctor, with fear in my voice. Even the nurses paused. Just 30 minutes before, my doctor told me, ‘I have somewhere to be at 7 o’ clock, so you better be able to push this baby out soon.’ My husband’s rage was rising. I squeezed his hand. ‘We can’t do this now.’”

‘Don’t move!’ He shot me a second time, and left. I sure wasn’t going to die without a fight.’: Woman attacked by ‘close knit’ EMT coworker suffering from PTSD is ‘thankful’ to still be here

“He texted me saying he was going to pop in to say, ‘Hi.’ I was laying on the floor watching TV when he entered. The next thing I knew, I was holding my head with my hands and screaming. I thought he had had a PTSD episode and shot me while thinking I was someone else. I crawled outside and knocked on the neighbor’s door. ‘Please call 911,’ I asked him.”

‘I was 45, divorced, childless. The single, desperate, drunk girl at the bar. My biological clock was DEAFENING.’: Woman battles depression, addiction for decades, now ‘healthy’ and ‘loving life’

“I stumbled through my 30s drunk, suicidal, barely eating, and pill-popping. My shopping list of life didn’t have ONE tick on it. I felt incredible pressure to ‘do’ life in the right order, by the right age. School, college, career, man, marry, house, kids and then live happily ever after. Yet, I didn’t have any of it. I clung to the only thing I had going for me, my skinny body and long hair! Now, smack on a new ‘label’ of mentally ill. Proof I was indeed broken and had to correct what was ‘wrong’ with me.”

‘I sat there and cried, a shotgun in hand, my son in the next room. I was taken away in an ambulance while he slept.’: Woman overcomes suicide, years of addiction, says there’s ‘always possibility for change’

“He proposed. I thought marriage would fix my problems. 3 weeks before the wedding, I got fired, wrecked my car, and burned my foot to the 3rd degree. I couldn’t stay sober. That’s when he told me he couldn’t marry me and he cancelled the wedding. My attorney looked at me and told me I was looking at prison time. There was nothing more I could do.”

‘Today, I felt depressed. Instead of fighting it, I copped a squat in a dressing room until I was ready to put my big girl pants back on.’: Woman says depression is ‘not an option,’ accepts she’ll always be ‘the girl with a little less light’

“It was an average day. I dressed my kids, sent them to school. Then, I started to feel numb. Most days depression blends into our every day lives, but not today. Today it felt heavy. The world fed me the idea that depression looked like staying in bed every day, and because I was still rising and thriving, I thought I could get by. But when I entered the dressing room, the pain slipped in so fast I had no choice but to sit.”

‘Did you not get my letter? Your dad’s been dead 7 months. He killed himself.’ Imagine being told that over the phone.’: Woman endures years of trauma, meets ‘saving grace’ who saved her life

“I don’t know what sound came out of me, but I know I started screaming, shaking. I ran to the bathroom and sat on the floor for about half an hour before I could even stand up. Students put posters in their friends lockers with sweet notes. My ‘Get Well Soon’ poster comments were ‘Hope You Die’ and ‘Don’t Come Back.’ That month changed everything, including my innocence.”

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