“I asked, ‘How could that happen so fast?!’ I screamed, ‘You can do this. Fight. I need you. Theo needs you. We can’t do this without you.’ I held his hand but, in my heart, I knew.”
‘I awoke with a voicemail from the doctor. ‘How did I miss this?’ I raced to the hospital. I got teary eyed, and said to him, ‘I love you, you are going to be ok.’
‘People told me to get a second opinion because there was ‘no way’ I could be diabetic. I wasn’t ‘fat’ enough and I didn’t eat enough sugar, so the doctor HAD to be wrong.’
“After telling them all my symptoms, they put me on hold. When they picked back up, their voice seemed urgent. ‘Go to University Health Services as soon as they open in the morning. Don’t wait for an appointment. Don’t eat or drink anything for the rest of the night.”
‘Momma, why can’t I walk like my friends?’ His legs were sticking straight up in the air, unable to bend. A lady in Walmart was staring long and hard.’
“His 6-year-old brother stepped in. He said, ‘What’s wrong? Haven’t you ever seen a kid in a wheelchair?’ I’ve lost count of the number of times a parent has told their children, ‘Stay away from that child!'”
‘My son complained of pain in his abdomen. He was gray in color, his cheeks sunken in. When he started throwing up, I thought, ‘Maybe he ate something bad.’ I was in denial.’
“We had no family history of it. When we got the news, I was thinking we had some quack doctor in the middle of the desert trying to diagnose my son by smelling his breath. He added, ‘If you waited 3 hours, he would’ve died in the car.’ My heart broke into a million pieces.”
‘If I wasn’t around, Zach could find someone he could have a family with. If I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t have to worry. These are MY problems. No one else should have to deal with them!’
“I was different. I couldn’t go to sleepover with just a change of clothes and my pillow. Other girls thought I was weird, boys didn’t think I was cute. They thought I was contagious and they would ‘catch’ it.”
‘Mom kept saying, ‘He’s gone. We lost him.’ When I lost my two babies, I could see my children sitting on my dad’s lap, tears of joy streaming down his face. I closed my eyes. My dad was a grandpa.’
“I remember seeing my dad sitting on the couch. I could tell he didn’t feel great. Later that afternoon I was with my mom and sister when we got a call from the local hospital. My dad had collapsed at work.”
‘I couldn’t keep any food down. I had lost 25 pounds. Something serious was going on, I could feel it in my bones. And I was pregnant.’
“I remember saying to him that something must be brewing for us because our life had been too easy! The rest was a blur of grief and anger. I have a lifelong disease—one that will never be cured. One that was caused by IVF.”
‘The neck of my womb was open and was 100% effaced. I locked myself in my bathroom and refused to talk to my partner, the midwives or doctors.’
“My baby was struggling through contractions and distorting her head trying to get out. I screamed, cried, swore and kicked as I couldn’t understand what was going on.”
‘My baby had undiagnosed Type 1 Diabetes. Her blood sugar level was in the 500s. How could she have died from a disease thousands of people manage? I could not comprehend.’
“When I got to the babysitter’s, she carried her to my car; my daughter was completely knocked out. In an offhanded way I asked if she was breathing, joking. Until I put my hand on her little chest and felt no movement.”
‘Every time I looked in the mirror I saw the girl with Endometriosis. The girl whose brother died. The girl who had given up. I was done being that girl. I wanted to feel beautiful again. ‘
“I grieved the loss of my baby I will never feel growing inside me. I was angry at God for taking my brother so soon. I was done being that girl. I wanted to feel beautiful again.”
