dinner

‘Me: Kids, I’m going to go take a quick shower. Child: Can I have a snack? Me: No, I’m going to make dinner. Another child: Can you help me find my pink dragon with glittery wings?’

“Yet another child: Can I tell you about this new game that’s coming out that I really want for Christmas? Me: Yes, after my shower. Walks upstairs. Children follow. Child: How MANY pieces of candy can I have after dinner? Yet another child: So I can get that game for Christmas? Steps out of shower.”

‘As my due date gets closer, I thought about removing my body hair so I don’t get shaved down by a nurse and die of embarrassment because she needs a whipper snipper to cut through the Sherwood Forest.’

“’Are you in labor?,’ he asks holding the tongs. ‘No! Omg I’m having a reaction to the cream!’ He looks at my face and sees half-hardened face mask and thinks I put the cream on my face, so he helpfully grabs a towel and starts rubbing my face while I’m trying to push him away.”

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