“I went to the hospital by ambulance and apologized to the paramedics. She asked me ‘why?’ I told her, ‘Because if I wasn’t having a heart attack, I’d feel bad I was wasting people’s time.’ We both laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. But I continued to apologize to everyone.”
‘I felt like a building was collapsing on my chest. I had sharp pains. When I got up to get my screaming baby, I fainted. I couldn’t move, so I just sat until my husband came home.’
‘Snip snip, Hooray! We have some exciting news. I brought up the vasectomy, and knew we had to have a party.’
“I think that’s all my husband thought I had planned, but little did he know!”
‘With tears welling up in my eyes, I was only able to mutter one question: ‘But why does it hurt so much when I eat?’ Nobody answered me.’
“For what felt like an eternity, I laid quietly in my hospital bed, still surrounded by these strangers who were supposed to be some of the best doctors in the country, until a young-looking doctor standing across from the psychologist broke the silence, ‘Your head is messing with you, there is nothing physically wrong.'”
‘I take him to the doctor. ‘It’s an emergency!’ I remembered someone put sliced potatoes in their child’s sock, and it helped them feel better. No runny nose, he was cured. So, I did it!’
“I’ll tell you what it DID do. It made my husband think I had lost my mind when the baby is screaming and instead of being with him, I’m in the kitchen stomping around, gathering potatoes like a farmer and trying to slice them like I’m prepping to scalloped potatoes, like a mad woman, chanting, ‘Potatoes! He needs potatoes!’”
‘We need to talk about her weight.’ The doctor then looks at her and says, ‘I think you are old enough to start using exercise equipment too.’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME?’
“He left the room. She looked at me and said, ‘I’m fat?’ Tears started running down her face. My jaw was on the floor. It was too late – the damage was done.”
‘When I was 18 years old I felt a lump in my breast. I immediately made an appointment and was quickly dismissed, young women my age didn’t get breast cancer.’
“Everyone stops you and says hello and asks how you are doing. All I could think, all I wanted to yell is, ‘Not great, today I have cancer!’”
‘It’s the heart! Something is wrong with our baby’s heart’ The kicking and screaming slowly stopped and he was limp and asleep.
“We hugged and kissed and told SJ how much we love him. He was emotional this time. He cried and cried saying no more pokies mommy. I want to go home. With each tear that fell from his eyes my heart was crushed a little more.”
‘She even asked, ‘Do you still want to proceed with the pregnancy?’ She told us, ‘he could have major health issues he’ll have to ‘deal’ with as he grows up.’
“Now when I think back to that moment, I can’t help but wonder why she didn’t tell us just how much joy and happiness Asher would bring us. Or how much closer our family would be because of him. Why didn’t she tell us it would be a HAPPY ending, and that Asher would change the world?”
‘Hi, I was 5 minutes away from calling you.’ Our baby’s heart was not sitting on the left side of her chest, but shifted to the right side. My stomach dropped with those words.’
“Silently, he began drawing on a blank piece of paper. When he was done, he turned to us, showed us his drawing, and began explaining what our future would look like. I started bawling. But we knew we needed to do it.”
‘But that won’t be the case for you,’ he said. I was 18 weeks pregnant when I was told to ‘just terminate’ the life of my unborn baby.
“I was told to terminate his life because there was very little chance he would survive pregnancy. And if by some miracle he did, he would most certainly endure a life of suffering marked by severe disabilities.”
