“I met someone new. Someone who made me feel alive again. Six months later, I found out I was pregnant. Then I received devastating news.”
‘He slipped something in my drink. He had a razor blade. He ‘accidentally’ sliced my thigh. I took photos of the blood dripping down my leg. When I woke up, the photos were deleted.’
‘I was the ‘fat kid’ and my father was disgusted with me. Fat people were never the heroes or love interests. My mind became a very dark place.’
“I didn’t realize I was ‘the fat kid’ until 5th grade when a classmate so helpfully pointed it out to me. That’s when my carefree childhood ended. I started to find my way in the world. However, I was still plagued by my negative body image. My solution? Find a man to validate me.”
‘I had just gotten in my car when my phone rang. It was my best friend. She sounded serious. ‘What’s wrong?’ She didn’t know how to tell me, but I should get home as soon as I could.’
“My boyfriend was kicking me out of the apartment we shared. ‘Why?!,’ I asked her crying. I drove home as fast as I could. My clothes, makeup, shoes, were all thrown on the floor. He said he ‘knew what I had done.’ I was so confused.”
‘He went from leaving his phone out and unlocked to taking it to the bathroom with him when he’d shower and keeping it in his pocket when we were home.’
“My fiancé came home around 2 A.M. from ‘ice fishing’ with an undisclosed ‘buddy.’ By this time I knew he was having an affair as I had seen adulterous texts on his phone. I had a dress, the church, the bridesmaids, etc. The wedding was already planned.”
‘Why should I be surprised he sought the company of other women? There were times I prayed he would hit me. YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT.’
“Those 10 years destroyed my core. They broke me into a million pieces. Those 10 years implanted insecurities that never existed before.”
‘He had the neighbor watching me. ‘Bet you weren’t even raped.’ ‘Were you drinking?’ No one knew who he really was. I never thought these were red flags.’
“I found out he had been cheating on me. He convinced me it didn’t really happen and he went back to being the perfect guy. I couldn’t escape. I pushed on his chest and said, ‘No, I don’t want to.'”
‘Why didn’t you call the police?’ ‘I would have fought back.’ ‘Well, why didn’t you?’ ‘You got married really young. Did you see the signs before you were married?’
“I would hear the words, ‘I want a divorce,’ for the first time, on our honeymoon. A friend had an intervention with me. An aunt told me, ‘You know, you don’t have to do this,’ right after we were engaged. I remember scoffing, thinking, ‘All it takes is commitment.’”
‘Just lay there, be still, your Daddy’s good little girl.’ I stared at the ceiling, remembering his breath on me. Finally, he left the room to start my bath. ‘You wouldn’t want us to go away, would you?’
“There was a window behind the bed. A woman came out of the building. I waved violently. ‘HELP!’ The woman stood there, looked at me, and walked away, going to her car to leave. My safety, my possibility of help, was gone.”
‘Don’t tell nobody. I’ll give you some money when I get paid,’ he said as he was getting off me. I was scared out of my mind. My uncle, my favorite uncle, had hurt me.’
“I can remember looking over at my brother who was still asleep. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I was too scared so I laid there, not speaking, thinking about the innocence I would never get back. He hurt me in the worst way that night.”
‘Every night, I put a sign on our bedroom door that read, ‘come in and kiss me on the cheek. I didn’t cheat on you.’ I accepted his marriage proposal after 2 months. Almost immediately after we were married, the abuse began.’
“I thought I hit the boyfriend jackpot, my knight in shining armor. He wined and dined me and spoiled me rotten. Within 2 weeks he decided it was unbearable to be away from me and was going to pack up his life and everything in it to be with me.”
