double rainbow

‘Blake’s not breathing!’ The daycare called. He was laid on his back, and found face down in the pack n’ play.’: Mom sees ‘signs from heaven’ after losing son to SIDS, delivering 2 rainbow babies

“I didn’t get any more details than that. I hung up, flew out the door. ‘Who are you here to see?’ the ER receptionist said to me. The girl beside her hit her on the arm. ‘She is THAT baby’s mom!’ She then asked for my insurance card. ‘Please, I need to see my baby!’ Before I walked through the door, I thought I heard a baby cry. I thought I had more time.”

‘To get 2 children, I gave up 2. Creating a baby lost all allure. I was on a mission, detached from the actual act. Every app told me when to breathe, when to baby make. I couldn’t feel joy. It was all fear.’

“I found some elaborate way to share the news with my husband. The handcrafted note around our dog’s neck read, ‘Surprise! You’re going to be a father!’ Then a few weeks later, surprise you’re not. By the 3rd pregnancy, there was no special announcement. I didn’t buy a single item, not even a bib. How could I?”

‘We ended up accidentally getting pregnant after knowing each other for only a month. A few weeks later, that dream dissolved before our eyes.’: Mom suffers 2 miscarriages, gives birth to 2 ‘beautiful rainbow babies’

“I went into shock, paralyzed by what I’d just seen. All of a sudden, I heard a noise I couldn’t recognize. It was coming from me. A deep, loud, moaning scream; the sound of grief and disbelief. We were wheeled up to delivery and I remember a man telling my husband, ‘Good luck and congratulations,’ as he thought we were going to deliver a healthy baby. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d ever have to pick an urn for one of our children.”

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