“I wanted to do the whole thing by myself. No doctor, no ultrasound, no hospital, no midwife. So I did. My close friends and family were definitely not fans. My husband went along with it knowing when I make up my mind to do something, that’s it. It’s done.”
‘How could this be? My ultrasound nurse told me the baby DID NOT have Down syndrome. The nurse looked at me and asked, ‘Are you going to keep her?’
‘I knew he had Down syndrome. I asked ‘Why us?’ His eyes were almond-shaped, his ears were tiny and low-set, and he had a sandal-toe gap.’
“Knowing what I know now, I believe he was trying to prepare me for what was to come.”
‘Unfortunately I see something here that could be a problem. I saw my mother-in-law’s face. She knew. We both knew something was off. I wanted to disappear.’
“I kept saying to myself nothing was wrong. I had seen the baby move and he looked perfectly beautiful and strong. When the doctor came in, I saw her face. With a serious look she asked me if I was alone.”
‘He told me he didn’t feel attached to our baby, and he didn’t love me anymore. I secretly hoped I would die in childbirth. My life as I knew it, was completely dismantled.’
“I decided to clean out her bedroom. It was a virtual cesspool. As I was clearing away the reminders of her unwell state, I found her suicide note.”
