“I had an urge. I was terrified. I went to the only place I knew I was safe. She was asleep. I stood by her crib and stared at the greatest gift I had ever been given, my beautiful baby girl. As I looked at her, tears flooded out of me. That night, she saved my life.”
‘Get in the car,’ my mom forcefully tells me. My mind is racing. Turning me into jail? Where are we going? The drive feels like an eternity.’ She parks. ‘Do you see this place?,’ she chokes out.’
‘I really messed up Will. I’ll call you soon.’ Nothing prepares you for this. I pulled over and lost it. I look back at conversations I had with my sister and tears run down my cheek.’
“Emily was such a gifted kid. I was the jealous older brother. I always thought she would be going places. Until things changed. We received a large inheritance from our grandmother’s passing. It was like a switch. ‘I never want to see or speak to you again,’ I said to my sister.”
‘Nurses told me to ‘Not be so dramatic.’ I tried to get help from teachers, police officers, neighbors, but nobody listened. I cried, ‘He’s hurting me, help me!’ I was sent home the next morning.’
“By 27 years old we had 2 beautiful boys and a baby girl. We were married, living well and happy. I was baking cupcakes and going on field trips – I was exactly who I thought I should be. Then it happened.”
‘Acid from the airbag burned my eyes. My first thought was, ‘Call Mom.’ I climbed out of my window, dripping in blood. ‘Mom, I crashed the car. I see cops coming. I love you.’
“I walked to my church, 5 miles away in the freezing rain, knowing I may have just seen my father and mother for the last time. I sat in the fourth row. I stared down at the ground, tears still running down my face. I wanted to be able to apologize for what I was about to do.”
‘I remember screaming, ‘What part of no don’t you understand!’ He looked at me shocked, and asked if I was ‘okay.’ ‘She’s harmless,’ he said. I had no idea what he had. I’d never seen it before.’
“I didn’t kiss my kids goodbye. I didn’t tell anyone. I left without a second thought. I don’t know how many times they asked, ‘When is mommy coming home?’ A few months later, I found out I was pregnant with twins.”
‘I went to see my OBGYN, cried over an evil man being the baby’s father, and screamed about my sobriety. She calmly sat next to my hospital bed, and handed me the ultrasound pictures.’
“Written in small white letters was, ‘HI MOMMY I’M BABY A.’ I moved onto the next picture. ‘HI MOMMY I’M BABY B.’ I laid my hands down and shook my head. My eyes landed on the next picture. ‘HI MOMMY I’M BABY C.’ The blood rushed to my head.”
‘Please don’t blame yourself mom. I LOVE YOU! I’m now looking down on you. LOOK UP. I SEE YOU.’ These were the last words my son wrote the day he took his own life.’
“I received a frantic phone call. He asked me to come home immediately. He was standing in the driveway looking very frazzled. He asked me to hug him. I asked him what was wrong. ‘You know the one thing you told me never to do?’ I was confused. ‘What are you talking about Jordan, what have you done?'”
‘I woke up in a different country, in a tattoo parlor, after a night of drinking. I have no idea how we were allowed on the plane. All I had was my passport.’
“I had no luggage, and was wearing my clothes from the night before. That night changed everything for me.”
‘I was ABANDONED on my grandma’s front porch with a note that said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ My own mother said those five words about me when I was only 8 months old.’
“I started dating a boy and, of course, I slept with him on our first date. Can you guess what happened next? Yes, we got pregnant. That’s when it happened. They pulled out this white stuff. ‘Hey, we are about to do this.’ I asked what ‘this’ was. ‘You don’t want any.’ In desperation, I told them I did.”
‘Your sister is missing! She was last seen days ago wandering downtown. The police won’t file a missing person’s report!’ I got on the next plane home, determined to find her myself.’
“After years of searching for my sister, my stepdad asked me, ‘How long are you prepared to keep looking for her?’ She was gone, without a trace.”
