eating disorder recovery

‘At 12, the psychiatrist gave an ultimatum. ‘If you don’t gain 0.2 pounds by Monday, I’m sticking a tube down your throat and admitting you to the psych ward.’: Anorexia survivor says ‘recovery is a choice I make every day’

“I cheated my way out, really believing the worst was over. That lasted 12 hours. My mom took me to the supermarket to buy a birthday cake for my friend. I stood in the cake aisle and started to panic. I couldn’t do it. I was so consumed by it, even looking at the cake felt like something I’d have to punish myself for. I left the story empty-handed and in tears. I didn’t think I’d live to see my 15th birthday.”

‘When my dad whispered, ‘I love you,’ I knew it was more than that. It was a final goodbye. They were ready to let go.’: Woman diagnosed with eating disorder at 13 finally accepts help, ‘I am ready to start the next, better, decade of my life’

“My parents had shed too many tears over me, and I couldn’t bear it to break their hearts again. I felt ready to die, but knew it wasn’t my time. I was weak. I gave up the reigns and opted for inpatient treatment. I was frustrated, and I let this be known. I would shout and hit the walls. I would argue. But gradually, I came to life again. I am no longer held back by my demons.”

‘Get out. I’ll kill myself if you stay in this house with us,’ my mom said. I was given 2 weeks notice to move out.’: Woman overcomes neglect, eating disorder, ‘I wake up every day and choose recovery’

“My parents were avid members of a money-making cult disguised as a religion. According to the church, I was ‘riddled with aliens.’ I was forced to falsely confess to crimes. ‘Maybe my parents would like me more if I eat less.’ Before I knew it, I lost my period. My hair fell out in chunks. One day, I snapped. I took 40 pain killers. I woke up poisoned and scared. Embarrassed as hell, I called the ambulance. ‘What do I do?!’ I knew something had to change.”

‘You look amazing. You’ve definitely lost weight.’ If he didn’t text me back, I’d assume the worst. I was extremely controlling.’: Woman suffers from eating disorder, mental illness, loss of grandfather taught her ‘to get the help I needed’

“I said to him, ‘Pup, it’s ok if you can’t make it to the wedding.’ I’d think, ‘I’ll never have a photo of me and Pup in my wedding dress. I’ll never have the opportunity to eat my wedding dinner with him. He’ll never meet my children.’ I hit the lowest low I ever had. Before my husband and I walked down the aisle, I couldn’t help but feel like Pup was there. I said to my now husband, ‘He’s here. I can feel it.’ My husband grabbed my hand. ‘I know.’”

‘Oooh tough week? What happened, honey?’ I was 15. Women I’d never met were commenting on my weight.’: Woman discovers intuitive eating, self-love after struggling with weight for years, ‘My children will see a vibrant, smart, STRONG woman’

“’Really? That’s what you’re going to eat for breakfast?’ I vividly remember holding my two pieces of cinnamon toast in my trembling hands. Every single one of my siblings had already toasted their bread, buttered it, and sprinkled it with cinnamon and sugar. Yet, I was the only one singled out by my grandpa. Age 15, I began attending meetings every week with my mother. Strange adult women would applaud and beam at me. I was given jewelry to celebrate my ‘hard work.’ Women twice my age would ask what my ‘secret’ was.”

‘Your legs are covered in FAT.’ I bought diet pills from China. They made my heart race. ‘The risks are worth it,’ I thought.’: Woman battles anorexia, describes it like an ‘abuser who is hurting you, yet you want to protect him’

“I had no idea what the ingredients were! They made me feel weak, extremely thirsty… The pills even made the news as a girl ended up with a colostomy bag because of side effects. This didn’t scare me. ‘The risks are worth it,’ I thought. ‘I am not THAT sick!’ I had huge arguments with family. I was never afraid of dying.”

‘My mom would say I was ‘ballooning.’ I was in 4th grade. She’d implement some new weird food rule for my ‘health.’: Woman is ‘blown away’ by body positive community, ‘I learned to love myself, heal my relationship with my body and soul’

“Maybe my mom thought I wasn’t smart enough to hear what she was really saying: ‘My daughter is broken, how do I fix her?’ I was working out. I was doing everything right, wasn’t I? ‘Why am I still fat?,’ I asked myself. I was 10. Eating 500 calories a day, no cheating. But it was there, in that despair, that my life started to change. I came across a plus-size woman’s account and was… blown away.”

‘Look, she’s eating something!’ I hear the whisper. I feel the cold gnawing at the bottom of my stomach. I hate it and I love it.’: After 12 years battling anorexia, ED survivor learns to accept new plus-size body

“My brother makes me a sandwich when he sees I didn’t eat lunch. My bones poke up under my skin. ‘Please eat it,’ he begs. ‘You need to eat.’ It is so sweet of him, so I eat a few bites. But when he leaves, I give the rest to the dogs. They leave no evidence. Nothing in the trash for my dad to find when he empties it, nothing to clog the toilet. I have become clever in the ways of secret self-destruction.”

‘I wouldn’t use Chapstick. I was afraid I might lick my lips and accidentally swallow some of it, convinced it would make me fat.’: Woman suffering eating disorder is admitted to recovery center, ‘We aren’t treated like people. We were treated like patients’

“All doors were alarmed, and I was surrounded by strangers. My identical twin made me a blanket to take to treatment. She wanted me to feel at home. The staff wouldn’t allow me to have it. Since I was still on Red level, I wasn’t allowed into my bedroom. I sat on the floor in the hallway by my room and cried to my mom on the phone, begging her to bring me home. As I cried on the floor, a patient walked up to me and handed me a little slip of paper. He had written ‘You can do this’ on a scrap of paper. I sobbed. I still have his note.”

‘We’re right here, Lauren. You’re okay.’ I didn’t want to die. My sisters clasped my hands tightly as tears rolled down my cheeks.’: Woman finds inner peace after lifelong battle with anorexia, alcoholism

“‘You’re not leaving this table until you finish what is on your plate! Do you hear me?’ My parents begged, pleaded, and demanded me to eat. But my disease was much bigger than them. At 5’11” and 86 pounds, I was admitted to a hospital away from my school, my family, my friends – everything I knew. I’ll never forget the absolute horror of having to be pried off of my parents, not knowing when I would see them again.”

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