“I have not showered today. Or yesterday. It’s whatever. I’ll be dragging one of my twin boys by his backpack as the other tries his darndest to run into the street, with not 1, but 2 additional babies on my hip. No, they aren’t also twins. They’re 7 months apart. It’s a long story, and it’s fun to watch the confusion wash over your face. You never know what kind of menagerie might pop out of this here clown car. Prepare to be amazed!”
‘I’m a hot mess. Am I wearing workout leggings? You betcha! Do I plan to work out after this? Hellz to the no.’: Mom hilariously warns fellow school parents to ‘not be alarmed,’ but also, ‘please don’t get any closer’
‘Step right up!’ my teacher said. I half shook my head no, turning pink. I slowly rose, my legs glued together. The floodgates opened. I was 5 feet from the board when someone shouted, ‘OH MY GOD!’
“Queue the tears. Oh, those embarrassing tears. I was mortified. I’d never been given the period talk. My parents were too uncomfortable to explain. And to make matters worse… you guessed it. I was wearing white jeans. WHITE. I never expected what would happen next. Not in a million years.”
‘I don’t want to sit in the middle!,’ he screamed. The neighbors were staring. I never knew so much anger existed in me until I became a mom. It is terrifying. I don’t even recognize myself.’
“‘I’m going to hold your legs down until you calm down because you’re hurting me when you kick.’ Our neighbors were still watching. It’s shameful, embarrassing, and humiliating. He screamed and kicked and fought. I could feel my anxiety creeping in.”
