“I dreamt of the day I’d turn in my baby dolls for the real deal. Fast forward 23 years, and here I am. Married to the man of my dreams. Our home is full, but our arms empty. We wanted the big family, sleepless nights, poopy diapers. We wanted it. So, we tried. And tried. After 6 months of negative tests, I knew something was off. They found 2 masses on my ovaries the size of a lemon and a golf ball.”
‘I want to live in my parents’ basement with 13 kids and no husband,’ said 3-year-old me. One part is true. Babies, and lots of ‘em!’: Woman shares emotional battle with Endometriosis, knows she’ll someday ‘be a mama’
‘I gave birth to a beautiful Chinese baby in which I share zero genes with. HE DIDN’T GET THE MEMO.’
“I now had a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and I was newly divorced. ‘How were you able to give up the baby?’ I felt like I signed my life away. They needed to make sure I wasn’t going to go crazy.”
‘I couldn’t believe it. I opened the pregnancy test and there was my first ever positive. BIG FAT POSITIVE! Baby was the size of a pearl. ‘That’s not good.’ Dr. Hiener said. ‘Did she fall out?’
“Our doctor couldn’t do the emergency surgery. My father-in-law did. I tried to enjoy every moment I had with her. Jason and I were surrounded by love, and so was our little girl.”
‘I got with my boyfriend in July. By November, I was pregnant. We had been ‘irresponsible.’ We dealt with it. I convinced myself I’d killed my baby. I couldn’t look at my daughter without crying.’
“The thing is, I also got pregnant many years before at age 24. It was the first time I’d had unprotected sex, and I had split up with the father. Having a termination was my only option. This has hugely troubled me the past 3 years, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it.”
‘I let out a loud cry and immediately the words ‘I’M GOING TO BE A MOM’ poured out. My husband was in the other room and screamed ‘WHAT!’ We sobbed for hours. We couldn’t believe it.’
“I will never forget the moment our doctor told us. I was terrified what his next response would be. What happened? I broke down in tears. I was a healthy 26 year old. I could not understand.”
‘As I read their story, I cried. Not because I was regretting giving ‘my’ babies to someone else, but because I knew they were the ones meant to raise these kids.’
“We didn’t care if he/she was married, their religion, their sexual preference…we just wanted to make sure it was someone who would love these children. It wouldn’t be long before we were matched with someone.”
‘When they first came out, their hair was fluorescent yellow. I’m talking bright NEON yellow. If you could have seen my eyes the moment I met them for the first time!’
“She was laid on my chest immediately. I couldn’t even say anything at first because her hair was shocking for me to look at! My other two girls were born with dark brown hair. This little girl? I mean it was glowing!”
‘Infertility, I don’t hate you, not anymore.’
“My strength was rising. Not only did I feel like Superwoman after all of those injections, meds, blood draws and doctor visits, but I found strength emotionally, as well. I learned how to be brave.”
‘You’re a murderer.’ ‘You obviously didn’t try hard enough.’ These are just a few of the hateful words that have been spoken about me.
“Being vulnerable shouldn’t be an opportunity to be shamed, ridiculed, or embarrassed.”
‘To My 12 Remaining Embryos: I have been thinking about you a lot lately. You have been frozen now for over 3 years.’
“I grieve giving you to her. You won’t be mine anymore.”
