“When I was in junior high, I wore Tommy Hilfiger polos, Dr. Martens and I doused myself in CK One perfume, because everyone else was. I had no idea who I was. I became a continual copy-cat, and it continued into adulthood. I didn’t know any other way to be. I was exhausted.”
‘I bought every plaid skirt I could find, because Cher wore plaid skirts in ‘Clueless.’ I shopped at Express and pretended to like the movie ‘She’s All That.’
‘Before our wedding, we were in a serious motorcycle accident. I was laying on the road waiting for first responders. ‘We can always adopt. We will have children someday, no matter what.’
“I held her hand and supported her as she bravely brought her daughter into the world. I didn’t know what to say throughout her labor. I just remember repeating, ‘You’re doing so good. Just breathe. You got this.’ There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.”
‘I was going to donate to her fund, but I found out her parents are lesbian. Sorry.’ My wife received this horrible message. We were so hurt.’
“We got a 3D ultrasound to find out the sex. It’s a GIRL! I bought hair bows and tutus. We were beyond excited. She was born perfect and healthy. No one knew she was hiding a secret illness. After realizing our sick child has two mommies, she couldn’t donate.”
‘I cheated on you with a woman I met at the gym. She has a daughter, and I’m her father. She’ll be 1-year-old in a few days.’ My mind went blank. ‘Did she know you were married?,’ I asked.’
“If you had told me 4 years ago I would be sitting in a waiting room with my husband, his affair partner, and her mother, I would have laughed in your face. But here I am. I’ll never forget what happened next.”
‘I called that hotel room and heard his voice. And then heard HER voice in the background. That was the day I broke. How do you live with someone not know who they truly are? Was I blind?’
“When I saw the credit card charges to a hotel in a town 1,000 miles from where he was supposed to be, that was when I felt the knife in my gut – but somehow I still thought, maybe it was a mistake. Did someone open a card under his name?”
‘We were literally one in a million. Identical twins with Down syndrome happens once out of every million pregnancies! We had been chosen for this task.’
“The ultrasound technician laughed. ‘What is it?,’ we said. She looked at us. ‘There are two in there!’ I immediately cracked up laughing. Rayni looked like she had seen a ghost! ‘Are you serious?’”
‘Momma, can you please call the judge? He’s moving too slow. Does he know I need you to be my momma? I’ll tell him. I need to be adopted. I can’t wait anymore.’ My boys waited 3 long years.’
“We started making visits with his siblings. This one forever changed my life. I felt a little tug on my shirt. He said, ‘Are you Jeremy’s mom?’ I said, ‘Yeah buddy, I am.’ And then his crushing response was, ‘Will you be my mom too?’ I cried. I hugged him. I was speechless.”
‘Can you help me remember where we buried him?’ It was 25 degrees outside. I could see my breath in the frosted air. But I couldn’t find his headstone.’
“As I turned to head back to my car, accepting defeat, there it was. ‘Leland McCoy Marrero. January 30, 1990 – October 16, 2016. ‘ I glanced down at my watch. That exact day would have been Leland’s 29th birthday.”
‘I was released from the hospital. I went to my mom’s. She’s a chronic relapsing alcoholic. We went to lunch. I ordered what I referred to as ‘my last beer.’ Not even half believing that was true.’
“We started going on Wednesday nights because they served $.25 cent beers on tap. We always requested a specific server, Jeff, because he always took special care of my daughter, Maggie. It slowly turned into flirting. 6 weeks later, I moved in with him.”
‘My husband complimented me on my body. My face. I croaked out a sarcastic ‘thank you’ accompanied by my signature eye roll.’
“Later, someone told me I was ‘knocking it out of the park.’ Those were their exact words. I responded with a flippant word of thanks, and another eye roll. But then they called me out.”
