“I expected to be handed my baby like I was Beyoncé in a floral garden and the heavens open up. Instead, I felt like a potato cake seagulls were fighting over, one stitching me up, one folding my boob like a hamburger to stuff in my baby’s mouth, and one pressing so hard on my stomach I thought she was going to touch my spine. Yep, didn’t count on that.”
‘Motherhood is really tough.’ You’d think, ‘Well that’s crap.’ Birth was traumatic. As a child of sexual abuse, a traumatic birth can be very re-triggering. I didn’t count on that.’
‘I’m not attached to my baby. There, I said it.’
“It’s a harsh reality to admit, and I’m sure I’ll get a few gasps. But it’s the honest truth. And I know I’m not alone. I shrug off compliments from strangers about my pregnancy. This is my coping mechanism.”
‘It was playtime on the playground. My student looked anxious. I climbed to get closer to him, placed my foot on the rail and tumbled, hitting my head on a metal pole. I fell to the ground.’
“That’s it. That’s all it took. Five minutes to change my entire life.”
‘I told her, ‘I’m looking for a ‘suit.’ He’s an ex-felon, an addict, covered in ink, going through a divorce, currently unemployed. Yeah, No!’ We married just 3 months later.’
“I clicked into his profile. ‘Hi.’ His response was, ‘Who is this?’ He would disappear for long periods of time – sometimes years – and no one knew if he was alive or dead. Just 6 days after meeting him, I was on pins and needles. I finally called. When he answered, I could hear the difference in his voice. I’m telling you, he was magic.”
‘She said, ‘That’s them. That’s my son’s parents. That’s who I’ve been looking for.’ And then, I told her you were pregnant.’
“Her entire demeanor changed. The pause felt like an eternity. There could be two ends to this. My hand flew to my mouth as a gasp of air escaped and a sob caught in my throat. Stunned.”
‘Are you mom?’ I nodded, ‘Yes.’ He ran along the canal for a mile. He saw the farmer pulling her out of the water. Our sweet girl had bumped into this farmer’s leg.’
“With 10 adults and 5 kids present, anyone would assume our daughter would have been safe. But after unexpected guests rang the doorbell, a bag of popcorn started on fire, and multiple kids ran outside, it only took seconds for Preslee to slip past everyone into the canal.”
‘What are ya’ll doing here?’ She had a peculiar look on her face. ‘We have something to tell you.’ ‘If you’re pregnant or dropping out of school, you might as well leave now! GET OUT!’
“I heard the words ‘Oh crap!’ We shockingly stared at the pregnancy test. ‘What do I do?!,’ I asked. ‘You have to tell your mom.’ My mom was a ‘no nonsense’ woman. Everyone knew she was NOT to be played with. I had to tell her in public. We showed up, unannounced, at her job.”
‘She could not have been more perfect. When she died unexpectedly 2 months later, I thought my heart stopped with hers.’
“Three months after my love proposed to me, I found a lump. I was told I was ‘lucky’ because I had the ‘good kind’ of cancer. It was a hugely insensitive thing to say. My friends were buying homes, getting promotions, having children – and I’m the ‘lucky’ one?”
‘Shonna, someone was in an accident. It looks like his motorcycle.’ I was holding our daughter. ‘I’M GOING TO DROP HER.’ I tumbled outside, listening for sirens.’
“He gave us forehead kisses. ‘Byeee Charlotte, daddy loves you,’ and backed out of the driveway. My phone rang. I remember answering to hear concern on the other end. ‘What’s Brandon doing?,’ they asked. ‘Oh, he’s out on a bike ride!’ There was a long pause.”
‘My girlfriend of 9 months was pregnant. ‘I need to tell you something.’ I opened it, saw pink and cried. My relationship was beyond repair. I had to leave, I had to be a single dad.’
“My heart was thumping. ‘Yeah, we are having a baby too.’ Nobody spoke. Everyone looked at each other dumbfounded. Finally, my sister broke the painful silence. ‘Are you serious?,’ she asked. I was serious. Everyone knew my relationship was vulnerable.”