“I ran into friends at the grocery store, and they asked me if I’d lost my job. All of it was maddening.”
‘I received suspicious looks for being a grown man at the park at 2 p.m. with his kids. ‘It’s nice of you to do your wife’s job,’ is what they were really saying.’
‘I bumped into an old childhood friend. ‘What have you been up to?’ ‘I’m in rehab.’ I laughed, thinking it was a joke. Soon after, I asked him to meet me. I warned him about my appearance.’
“‘I don’t look the same as when you last saw me. I’m not doing too well,’ I said. My face was a mess. I had cuts and blood in my nostrils. In that coffee shop, I sat across from him crying. I was scared of telling anyone.”
‘There was a young family at the airport. Only one set of luggage though. He was freshly shaven, 3 large bags. They called for boarding, he picked his daughter up and kissed her goodbye. She didn’t want to let him go.’
“We got to our seats on the flight and he pulled out his phone. He was doing what we all do. He wanted to take photos for his wife and his daughter to keep them, but he was too embarrassed because of all the fancy businessmen who might see it and judge him.”
‘I remember how dark and frigid the inside was. It was completely empty. Not one piece of furniture. Nothing. I wandered into a room off to the side. I walked towards it, and instantly got chills.’
“When he got off the phone he said, ‘What do you think? Should we do this?’ I asked if he had seen what was on the wall and he said no. I showed him the picture. When he looked back at me, he had big tears streaming down his cheeks.”
‘In public she’d scream, ‘Don’t touch me! Who are you!? HELP!!!’ We saw professionals, only to be dismissed. ‘She’ll grow out of it.’
“He told me, ‘Go ahead and try to leave b***h, you’re nothing. Nobody will believe you.’ I discovered I was pregnant. This was my worst nightmare, but also a glimpse of hope. He started using heroin. When she came, she brought me power. ‘If you try to leave me and take her, I will kill us all.'”
‘I did not want anything to do with my new son. I refused to touch him or hold him. I did not even want to see him. The diagnosis was delivered, and I cried for 10 straight hours.’
“There was a knock on the door. The doctor walked in, a strange look on his face. I LOST IT. I was inconsolable. I was yelling and crying. I was angry. But most of all, I was scared. I even asked my wife if we should name him something different, instead of Beau Spencer Brooks, Jr.”
‘No, we are not a same sex couple, but we do share a daughter. Not only did I gain a daughter, I gained a brother and a best friend.’
“The guy on the left is me, and the guy on the right is bio dad. This is real, and this is us.”
‘You know what’s crazy? Every time I leave the kids with my husband, I treat him like a babysitter. I make sure snacks are ready, I lay out pajamas, I ask him 3 times if he will be okay.’
“When he goes out, he says, ‘Okay babe, I’m going…’ and I say, ‘Okay’ and he leaves. THAT’S IT.”
‘Our boys are at that age where getting into trouble is fun. They do things to get a reaction, and it’s easy to get angry over it.’
“They were starting to get silly. Running and jumping over the dishwasher door and throwing toys. Instead of saying ‘go play outside,’ I said, ‘boys, can you show me your new train set?’ They both stopped dead in their tracks.”
‘I know to be grateful for his years. I also know he was sick for a long time. Nobody knows that more than us, because we witnessed it. I know, but I don’t care.’
“He breathed 2 tiny last gasps of breath before leaving us for good this time. I watched him, felt him and loved him. So I think yes, I will mourn and still cry, if I want and need to.”
