fear

‘I peeked in her bedroom. As I walked closer, I looked at her white feet and knew something was wrong. My brain snapped.’ Mother tragically loses daughter to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood

“‘I’m sorry, we have to do this when a child dies in the home. It’s so hard for you,’ the investigator said. They found no cause of death. It is so rare, and the last thing I want to do is cause fear in someone else, but it’s a very real and possible thing that can happen.”

‘My kids were unplanned and accidental. I never wanted to be a mom. I don’t enjoy playing with my kids. I don’t like being touched or needed.’

“Every single day, I feel resentment, sadness, frustration. I reminisce about my lost freedom. The days I would wake up with energy, pull out my to-do list, and get everything done. The days when I could hop in the car and run a quick errand, take a nap, or shower whenever I wanted. The days I could set BIG goals and actually attain them.”

‘We were both speechless. ‘We’re almost 40 and we’ll be changing diapers again!,’ my husband finally muttered. I didn’t say a word. I was so shocked, my jaw on the ground with tears in my eyes.’

“Two children in Heaven, one here on earth; we were at peace. We signed the paperwork with the fertility clinic to finally close that chapter in our lives. Six months later, we were relaxing with a bottle of wine. Before I poured a glass, I ran upstairs. I was ‘late.’ I barely glanced at it, assuming it would be negative.”

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