flushed

‘You’d look like me, I was sure. Curly blonde hair, blue eyes, chubby cheeks. I was lucky.’: Mom pens emotional tribute to daughter she miscarried, ‘I needed to lose you to find me’

“I flushed with my eyes sealed shut. I cried more tears than I knew possible. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. What kind of mother flushes her baby? I hoped I was wrong. I hoped you were still there. But I knew. A mother always knows. Everyone kept apologizing. I didn’t know why because it wasn’t their fault. It was mine. I had one job, to protect you, and I couldn’t even do that.”

‘The pain radiated from my stomach to my legs. I threw up. Finally, the fetus came out. I caught a glance of the baby in the toilet before flushing it down.’: Woman details pregnancy loss, grief advice, ‘We need to talk about hard things’

“I laid in the doctor’s office. Brandon stood there recording the whole thing, expecting to document the most exciting moment of our lives. She started asking me strange questions that seemed crazy at the time. It wasn’t until days later it hit me.”

‘I stood hand poised over the silver handle saying my silent goodbye, wondering if I should wake my husband. The first time I flushed was in the bathroom of my old apartment.’: Woman recounts traumatic miscarriage

“Just 3 days before, I had been standing on that same linoleum floor staring at two blue lines. Six months later, I flushed again. I did it alone. I am done worrying what others will think. All I can do is hope that those who turn away, never have to make the same decision I did.”

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