foster care

‘What about me?’ He sees all the babies getting adopted. He deserves a family too. Our answer was a shaky, scared ‘yes.’: Foster mom on the ‘trauma’ yet ‘joy’ when you ‘Say yes to an older child’

“Within 24 hours I went from mothering toddlers, to a 7-year-old. I wasn’t sure what to do. We were walking on eggshells, wondering when the lid would blow. I was closing his bedroom door. He stopped me. ‘Mommy, you’re a really good Mom.’ I slid down the door in silent sobs. Those words, coming from that boy, meant more than any accolade I could ever receive.”

‘I’m sorry. The adoption is over.’ He was being placed in foster care. I had this feeling, this wasn’t the end.’: Couple hikes the globe with kids after nearly failed adoption of ‘beautiful little boy’

“‘A lot has happened over the weekend. The birth mom had her baby on Friday night,’ the caseworker said. ‘Do you still want to go through with the adoption since he was born premature?’ That question absolutely baffled me. This baby boy was being placed in the foster care system.”

‘Daniel may have trouble fathering children. He had a botched surgery when he was very young. As 18-year-olds, we didn’t grasp the seriousness of his male infertility. Then I realized something was wrong with me, too.’

“My husband’s counts had dropped to almost nothing. Six live sperm were found. Six! No six thousand. Just six. We got a letter in the mail. The yearly fee to keep his sperm frozen was due. It was hundreds of dollars. We had to make a decision about our future– right now. At 26 years old, I VOLUNTARILY had a hysterectomy. Then, we got the call.”

‘The expectant mom is moving forward with another adoptive family.’ We had the car seat and crib ready. We spent days holding her precious baby girl. Then, we got the call. I was heartbroken.’

“There was a sinking feeling. We loved this little girl and her parents so much. We thought it was everything we dreamt of. It’s the most confusing feeling to grieve the loss of something we never really had while at the same time being happy for this family we fell in love with.”

‘When we were just about done with the foster process, I GOT PREGNANT. I peed on 14 sticks because I couldn’t believe it. We thought we were ready. I didn’t realize the roller coaster it’d be.’

“We had a 6-month-old baby and added an emotional 5-year-old to the mix. There were days where I felt like I was babysitting someone else’s kids. People told me I wouldn’t be able to love these children as my own. You come in expecting everything to fall into place. It doesn’t work like that. I had no idea what I was doing.”

‘I choked out, ‘So, their dad and I are no longer living together.’ 8 months into fostering two of the girls, and 2 months after saying ‘yes!’ to adopting, my children’s father and I separated.’

“We had 5 kids and had just celebrated 6 years of marriage. Our entire life crashed, the walls built with facades and fantasies. I was secretly dying inside. It was silent, painful. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be taking family photos without a husband, my children’s father.”

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