“Raising children who spent their first years of holidays in chaos and insecurity can be challenging. We juggle the joy of now, with the reality of painful memories.”
‘My eyes welled up. 2018 has not been easy on this ever-changing family. 7 little people that hold the pieces of my heart were under one roof, and I felt whole.’
‘One mom wrote me after relapsing, again. She was feeling such shame, afraid I would think differently of her.’
“I have been Mama to 12 over the last 4 years. Our family is twisty and tangled. A story of commitment, choice and tragedy.”
‘Mom, do you think if you and dad would have had the first 2 babies, you would still have us?’ Tears stung the back of my eyes. This question feels heavy to me.’
“My children don’t even know we lost a third baby, our sixth pregnancy, last year in August. As I say these words to them, for the first time in over a year, I feel something new in my heart: peace.”
‘You are not their only parent. You co-parent with addicts, who have harmed, forgotten and neglected these kiddos. I have had children years before learning their middle names.’
“You have unannounced visits where they look in your cupboards and question your mountain of laundry. They are quick to judge the dishes in your sink and the fact you forgot to lock up the medicine. I’m under scrutiny.”
‘Flashing lights would induce a seizure causing them to fall and possibly suffer life altering damage to themselves.’ Mom creates Sensory Sensitive Trick-or-Treating after growing up in foster care watching kids ‘struggle’
“While I understand Halloween is about fear, and scaring, the night itself is very exclusive to a certain demographic of children.”
‘It isn’t fair, she couldn’t take care of us.’ These were the words spoken by one of my kiddos as they broke down at the news their biological sister would be returned to their birth mom.
“‘Will she be back?’ My heart broke. ‘No, she won’t be.’ They all just sat there. The greatest tragedy was the fact my oldest 3 were getting used to losing people they loved.”
‘I ran upstairs, and the smell of putrid decay invaded my nostrils. I coughed and covered my nose, searching for the source of that smell. There, in the corner of the closet, sat a dark blue trash can.’
“I briefly and calmly asked my kids some leading questions, tactically trying to prevent the lies.”
‘I was late picking them up. Upon dialing her number I realized I was halfway through an intersection of a red light. I let an ‘OH SH*T’ fly.’
“Oh, I had left a message all right.”
‘Deep down I knew I made the wrong call. His foster trauma was inconvenient, and I pushed it aside for my ease. I completely dismissed him.’
“Once my house had fallen quiet, the interaction at the park came flooding back. Tears filled my eyes as I pictured him under the tree all by himself. I felt mad at myself.”
‘At 27, I felt like such a child myself. I laid in bed and sobbed, wondering if I actually had what it took to love the most vulnerable in our city.’
“The orphans, the wounded, the hurting little souls that are our future. I questioned all of it, if I could do this as a single woman.”
