“My buddy found a window that was unlocked and we climbed in… to a ladies’ restroom. And it was occupied. There was lots of screaming and shrieking and we didn’t know what to do. ‘What’s going on in here?!’ He introduced himself as Marty Robbins. ‘You guys come with me.’ The cops said, ‘We’ve been looking for these boys!’ We thought for sure they were going to arrest us.”
‘Yeah, let’s do it.’ We scrambled up the fire escape. ‘Hey, get back down here!’ It was cops yelling. ‘You reckon they’re gonna kill us?’: Man recalls becoming friends with country singer, Marty Robbins, thanks to StoryWorth
‘I seriously spent 10 minutes scrubbing my dootie hand and crying. My dog has been tormenting me for 7 seven years.’: Mom shares hilarious story of ‘angry pooter’ dog, ‘family is familly, no matter what’
“Frank is an angry pooter. Things he has pooted on when mad at me: my pillow, bed, couch, shoes, literally a pack of crackers, inside my purse, in my suitcase, and on top of a makeup bag. His aim is remarkable for a dog that takes multiple tries to jump on the couch and often falls off while licking his own butthole.”
‘TRIAGE. STAT. CHICKEN!!!’ The nurse jumped up and grabbed her walkie talkie. Everyone is staring at us, mouths agape.’: Mom recounts hilarious encounter with injured chicken
“We had just lost the squirrel and the hamster the week before – I just didn’t feel like the kids could handle yet another death. ‘Hi, I have a prescription to pick up,’ I said. ‘Patient name?’ the cashier nonchalantly asked. ‘Ummmmm Cockadoodledoo Evans?’ I responded. ‘Um, ok birthdate?’ she asked. ‘Ma’am I’m not really sure, it’s a chicken,’ I said.”
‘Sit down. I need to tell you something.’ ‘Mom, what’s wrong?! Are you ok?’ I found her sitting ladylike in bed.’: Woman recalls hilarious Christmas moment with mom, family still jokes about it during holidays
“My imagination was running wild. I was definitely assuming she was going to tell us something bad. But no. No. No. No. ‘Do you kids know what song they are singing right now?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied (still confused). She began to lightly pat her hands on the bed, beaming with pride.”
‘My therapist said it might be a good idea to hire a ‘personal assistant.’ I’m a stay-at-home-mom. Am I crazy to consider it?’: Mother recalls how extra help would get her ‘sparkle’ back
“I was at brunch slurping up a delectable chai with a girlfriend when I confessed all my help. ‘So, I have this gal who does our house’s big deep cleans and then another gal who does light tidying and takes care of all the laundry a few times a week and this other gal who babysits one day a week during the afterschool hours to give me a break from, well, the after school hours.’ P.S. I’m a stay-at-home mom.”
‘UM, IAN. Cough. IAN!’ I expected a box of pizza on the floor. I found foot-tall flames.’: Mom recalls dangerous fire pet dog accidentally caused before 6 a.m.
“I hear the sound of a huge dog clambering down the wood floor hallway. If toddler silence is a dangerous sound, this is the doggy equivalent. I chased her around the house trying to dislodge a slice of Meat Lovers. Then I saw the flames. The kids come running in. ‘FIRE! FIRE! WHAT’S OUR ESCAPE PLAN?’ We don’t have one, but bet we do by this afternoon.”
‘Tragically, she died by poisoning.’ Needless to say, I was aghast, horrified. ‘Holy cow, I’m so sorry.‘: Woman recalls sarcastic husband’s morbid first date joke, ‘He was laughing so hard he was gasping for breath’
“We begin making more small talk. ‘You mentioned you’ve been married twice. What happened with your second wife?’ Manny sat straight up in his chair and looked me in the eye. ‘Well, sadly, she died as well…’ By now I’m thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, I could end up in the back of his trunk.’ Our server hands us our food. We just sat there across from each other in silence.”
‘Mommy! I have to pee pee now!’ I was washing my face so I can’t open my eyes. He’s screaming.’: Woman hilariously recalls getting peed on by her son before annual physical at doctor
“I needed to be freshly showered for my exam. I washed everything and shaved my legs. When you’re going to get your pap smeared, you can’t just shower off. You got to do the whole 9 yards. Go for the full on, getting laid later, every nook and cranny shower. It was a mistake.”
‘No big deal, what’s a poopy diaper? I start to change her, and realize it’s a poop-trophe. I’m not panicked, grab the wipes.’: Mom’s hilarious play-by-play of cleaning up daughter’s disastrous diaper blowout on playground slide
“She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way.”
‘My husband ate 12 DOSES of Ex-lax. I called Poison Control because he thought he was dying. I literally cannot stop laughing.’: Wife hilariously recounts 39-year-old husband’s mistake, is ‘still crying’ and ‘unable to speak’ from laughing so hard
“The Poison Control guy was like, ‘The biggest risks are cramping, dehydration, and diaper rash.’ DIAPER RASH! I was NOT ready for this dude to come at me with diaper rash. I completely lost it. He kept chuckling and going, ‘Oh boy. Oooooooh boy.’ I’m wheezing just thinking about it.”
