“‘Dad says y’all are going to wrap presents.’ Huh? The LAST thing his dad and I are doing back there is wrapping—oh, wait.”
‘Mom, it’s funny to think when I’m a dad, I’ll have to wrap presents at night.’ I gave him a puzzled look. What was he talking about? ‘You know, mom. When you and dad go into your bedroom and close the door.’ OH.’: Mom shares amusing encounter with son
‘I saw something shiny and turned into Sméagol. ‘My precious!’: Wife hilariously recounts lost engagement ring, ‘This ring will come with one heck of a story’
“It was around 8 p.m. when I found myself crying and crawling, mostly crying, on my hands and knees in the middle of a Publix parking lot. I imagined the ring traveling the streets of Miami stuck on a tire thread.”
‘The detective said, ‘I need to speak with you immediately. This is the strangest thing to ever happen at the New Jersey DEA. Come to the precinct at once.’: Mom hilariously recalls Christmas gift gone wrong, ‘The things we do for our kids’
“I tried to get the best Christmas gift for my daughter on Etsy and accidentally became embroiled in an international drug-smuggling ring. The things we do for our kids.”
‘The photographer asked, ‘Would you like to retake the photo without the tooth sticking out?’ She replied, ‘Nope, I’m good!’ She doesn’t conform to societal standards.’: Mom admires ‘strong-willed’ daughter after hilarious school photos
“This is the look of a strong-willed girl who knows exactly what she’s doing. Look how proud she is!”
‘I decided I would start 2020 with a fresh new vibe. That’s when I met Matt, hanging alongside 4 of his buddies at Home Depot.’: Woman shares hilarious anecdote of dating during quarantine, ‘It was love at first sight’
“Matt (short for Matthew McConachey Bones, yes…’jokingly’ based off of Matthew McConaughey) was perfect. He listened as I praised my own cooking skills, didn’t add to the laundry pile or drive my car around. He wasn’t interested in seeing other people or chatting to girls late at night. He just was. I just was.”
‘As I was in the bathroom I heard a rustling noise. I figured it was a mouse. As I lifted my eyes to scan, mid-wipe, my eyes met another pair of eyes. IT WASN’T A MOUSE.’: Woman hilariously recounts embarrassing bathroom mishap
“‘HELLO! I’m in here.’ I think he knew I was ‘in’ there. I just don’t think his brain could process what he was seeing. He saw a bodacious woman, full-frontal from the waist down, wiping…her…backside.”
‘The server dropped off the check, and that’s when I realized. WHERE IS MY DEBIT CARD?’: Mom hilariously recounts ‘missing’ debit card, ‘I am NOT made for adulting’
“It’s not in my pockets. Not in my car. Not on the kitchen counter. So, I skivvy down for my sadness shower and… wait. Stuck to my boob. Because OBVIOUSLY.”
‘Your boss is basically a jerk. ‘You could be working overnight without double-time or a toilet break.’: Mom hilariously compares raising a newborn to having a full-time job
“Freaking Karen. She’s always trying to get you to buy her essential oils. You’re so desperate to just have a coffee with them and for some screwed up reason, you’re really cool with that. I know what you’re thinking, but apparently it’s legal.”
‘OH MAH GAHD SON, don’t touch it! HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THIS?’ I’m ready to bleach everything in sight, including my son.’: Mom hilariously recounts Show and Tell gone wrong
“His eyes light up and he goes, ‘OOOOOH! Let me outside, Mommy. I know JUST THE THING!’ Now pause. This is where I tell you for the last three days, I’ve been complaining our porch smells horrible.”
‘I yelled, ‘Omg Logan, THERE’S POOP!’ My child was BATHING in his own poo while I read about dancing with the stars on my phone.’: Mom hilariously recounts bath time gone wrong
“When I heard Simon toot and laugh because it made more bubbles, I thought nothing of it. I decided to investigate deeper into whether Hannah B. and Alan would actually fall in love on Dancing with the Stars. As I’m pep talking him for the face wash, I see a brown object between the fading tub bubbles.”
