funny

‘In the middle of the night, I heard our bedroom door creak open. I froze. It didn’t make a sound, but it silently drifted closer.’: Woman shares hilariously terrifying mom fail 

“I figured it was my son Lennox, but it was pitch-black. I blinked away the sleep so I could help him up into our bed. In the doorway was a set of terrifying glowing eyes and mouth hovering a foot or so above the ground. ‘Lord, it’s Angela. If you’ve got any of that white light lying around, would you mind sprinkling some around my bed?’ I was completely freaking out.”

‘I pressed the spray tan button and suddenly started leaking. I hadn’t nursed in an hour. Milk was squirting onto the sides of the booth. I stared in horror.’: Mom shares hilarious postpartum spray tan fail before wedding

“My best friend’s wedding was only 3 weeks away. As we got closer to the date, I realized I needed to get my sh*t together if I didn’t want to look like a hot mess at the altar. After all, I’d just had a 9-pound baby boy cut from my uterus. I headed to my local spray tan salon. Milk was squirting onto the sides of the booth. I was leaking, BAD.”

‘I seriously spent 10 minutes scrubbing my dootie hand and crying. My dog has been tormenting me for 7 seven years.’: Mom shares hilarious story of ‘angry pooter’ dog, ‘family is familly, no matter what’

“Frank is an angry pooter. Things he has pooted on when mad at me: my pillow, bed, couch, shoes, literally a pack of crackers, inside my purse, in my suitcase, and on top of a makeup bag. His aim is remarkable for a dog that takes multiple tries to jump on the couch and often falls off while licking his own butthole.”

‘Sit down. I need to tell you something.’ ‘Mom, what’s wrong?! Are you ok?’ I found her sitting ladylike in bed.’: Woman recalls hilarious Christmas moment with mom, family still jokes about it during holidays

“My imagination was running wild. I was definitely assuming she was going to tell us something bad. But no. No. No. No. ‘Do you kids know what song they are singing right now?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied (still confused). She began to lightly pat her hands on the bed, beaming with pride.”

‘Dad, it’s weird, but I think I pooped my pants!’ Minutes later, it hits me. OMG. ‘That’s not poop!!!’: Dad transforms into ‘the period fairy’ after realizing daughter is experiencing first menstrual cycle

“Today, I got THE CALL. So, I rush to school, bring her a change of undies, and rush back to my conference call. Hours later, she calls. ‘Dad, it happened again.’ At this point, I’m confused. Annoyed. ‘Just wipe your butt!’ Then, it hits me. I rush to the trash, inspect the undies from earlier, and scream. My child called for help and I just left her to die on the battlefield!”

‘You know, short hair, glasses, chubby.’ I was literally jarred. I asked my daughter to repeat what she said.’: Mom ‘angry’ after daughter was called ‘chubby’ by classmate, ‘everyone giggled’

“I will never forget the shame and fear in her eyes as she looked up at me and asked, ‘Am I?’ Those kind brown eyes searched my face for the truth. Kind of chubby… Those words reached down into my body, grabbed my heart with a fierce grip and punched me in the stomach.”

‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Shizzing yourself at your job interview. That’s what.’: Woman hilariously shares ‘mortifying’ accident, hopes it can ‘make someone smile’

“I felt a bead of sweat roll down my face. My stomach started making beastly growls. I got to my feet to rush to the bathroom when I heard a knock. ‘Hello, Mrs. O? It’s so nice to meet you.’ Shiz. Shiz. Holy shiz. It was too late. I was trapped! Suddenly, I felt hot flashes and bubbles. My body was going to DO THE DAMN THING. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.”

 Share  Tweet