funny

‘I’d like to publicly apologize to our Red Robin hostess. She didn’t know she was the last straw.’: Mom breaks down at Red Robin after dropping off son at college

“The hostess smiled. ‘How many in your party?’ I stood there, stunned, as my heart jumped into my throat. The dagger glares I shot were met with confusion. ‘Can’t you count?! Are you really going to make me say it out loud?’ There was awkward silence. I knew she was going to make me say it. ‘Three.’ She had no idea we’ve been a family of four for 18 years and it was our first time out without our firstborn.”

‘My friend called and said I had to fertilize my lawn. ‘What?,’ I asked. ‘You know, fertilizer.’ Visions of spreading cow crap bare-handed dance in my head. ‘It’s going to rain tomorrow, so do it today.’

“I said, ‘fine,’ all the while thinking, “this is dumb, this is dumb, this is dumb.’ Yet I realize this is one of those things I have to do now, on my own. So, I sent my daughter to the store to grab a bag, and $25.00 later, I’m ready to go. Or so I thought…”

‘What in the actual hell are you doing?’ Then I saw it. The glassy eyes. I have NEVER seen my husband DRUNK. The waitress asks if he’d like another round. He’s LOST. HIS. MIND.’

“I peek into the bathroom. He is NAKED, on the toilet with his face in a garbage can. He hears me shriek with laughter and screams, ‘CLOSE THE DOOR DANIELLE!!’ Me: ‘You drink a little too much?’ Justin: ‘NO! It was the chicken wings.’ I am DOUBLED OVER laughing at how ridiculous this is, and how stupid he thinks I am.”

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