“The first time I saw her, I wondered if the nurse was handing me my baby, or someone else’s. I waited a few seconds for someone to tell me there was a mix up. ‘She’s so beautiful,’ the nurse said. My husband was also in denial, but reality was staring us in the face.”
I was quite surprised by how white she was. ‘Perhaps she’s just very fair in complexion,’ I thought. I envied other black babies and thought, ‘Why me? How did I get black and white twins?’
‘She was HIV+ and we knew she was our daughter. Time stopped when we saw her. She was absolutely beautiful and perfect, but her oversized clothes hung loosely on her tiny frail body.’
“We were looking for a child with HIV. When we learned she was positive, we KNEW she was the one. She was 2 years old and only weighed 15 pounds. I started seeing a trauma counselor. James learned how to breath in public again, knowing no one was coming after us. Then BAM – Morning sickness!”
‘He should get his affairs in order.’ My heart stopped. WHAT? I immediately broke down. My biggest fear and worst nightmare had come true. ‘I don’t want to put you all through this,’ he said.’
“I was at home when I got a call from my husband. He was at the hospital, and then he said the 4 words I never expected to hear. ‘Okay, what now? What do we do?’ I was furiously texting my mother-in-law, ‘It’s not good.’ I just wanted it to stop. I couldn’t believe what was happening.”
‘The pain radiated from my stomach to my legs. I threw up. Finally, the fetus came out. I caught a glance of the baby in the toilet, before flushing it down.’
“I laid in the doctor’s office. Brandon stood there recording the whole thing, expecting to document the most exciting moment of our lives. She started asking me strange questions that seemed crazy at the time. It wasn’t until days later it hit me.”
‘I am done trying to cram him in a box he was never made to fit into. I have to let it go before it kills my little boy’s spirit, or worst, our relationship.’
“I lost it and yelled in a tone that shocked me and scared him. I wondered what my little boy thought. I wondered if he still knew I love him. I am losing my opportunity to enjoy him because I am so wrapped up in fixing him – but the truth is, he isn’t broken, and he doesn’t need to be fixed.”
‘This was the house we intended to raise our babies in. We were here to stay. But then he died.’
“I joke that we really bought my clawfoot tub and the house came with it. We had only moved in 6 months ago and we were so excited to make it our own. Then everything I thought was real disappeared before my eyes. Until I then I saw this.”
‘A 20-year-old suddenly appeared on our doorstep. He needed a family just as much as we needed him. His foster mom texted me, ‘I’m no longer able to provide care for him.’
“Joe had lived with a caring foster mother for the past 7 years. He has cognitive disabilities and required ongoing care, even though he was now an adult. I emailed friends, ‘I feel sad he is not with us.’ Less than an hour later, I got her text. We had less than a day to decide.”
‘I was 25, pregnant with twins, and had a 21-month-old son. After the babies were born, I noticed what I thought was a Clogged Milk Duct from breastfeeding. Then my life turned upside down.’
“I was using a breast pump, and noticed a lump. I shrugged it off. I took an electric toothbrush, holding it on the lump trying to break it up. I was stressing about being able to breastfeed two little humans. The office was empty. Everyone had left except for the doctor who was about to read the results. All I could say was, ‘What??’”
‘I told her, ‘I’m looking for a ‘suit.’ He’s an ex-felon, an addict, covered in ink, going through a divorce, currently unemployed. Yeah, No!’ We married just 3 months later.’
“I clicked into his profile. ‘Hi.’ His response was, ‘Who is this?’ He would disappear for long periods of time – sometimes years – and no one knew if he was alive or dead. Just 6 days after meeting him, I was on pins and needles. I finally called. When he answered, I could hear the difference in his voice. I’m telling you, he was magic.”
‘What are ya’ll doing here?’ She had a peculiar look on her face. ‘We have something to tell you.’ ‘If you’re pregnant or dropping out of school, you might as well leave now! GET OUT!’
“I heard the words ‘Oh crap!’ We shockingly stared at the pregnancy test. ‘What do I do?!,’ I asked. ‘You have to tell your mom.’ My mom was a ‘no nonsense’ woman. Everyone knew she was NOT to be played with. I had to tell her in public. We showed up, unannounced, at her job.”
