“Although I was pregnant with what I believed to be a baby girl, I knew I wouldn’t be for much longer. Shortly before dropping my daughter off at school that morning, my water had broken.”
‘Mommy, when will I have a sister?,’ she asked. As my eyes welled up with tears, I said, ‘I don’t know honey. You’ll have to talk to God about that.’
‘You know what I don’t remember about my childhood Christmases? I don’t remember anything being especially decorated.’
“I don’t remember Pottery Barn centerpieces or monogrammed stockings. I don’t remember Pinterest-worthy trees or anything that would make one declare, ‘That is so precious. I must Instagram it immediately.’ That all might have been there. But if it was, I don’t remember.”
‘We finally got the call. This baby was due in 2 months, and she had a heart defect that would require open-heart surgery. The second I saw her little face, I fell to the ground.’
“I was nervous. I didn’t know if she would understand the baby I was holding is her sister. But when she came to the hospital, she pointed to my belly and said ‘no.’ Then she pointed to Josie and said ‘yes.’ So powerful.”
‘Despite having 5 beautiful children, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that our family was not complete. I looked around and thought, ‘Surely we have room for one more, right?’
“At only 17 years old, while still a senior in high school, I vividly remember the intense fear I felt when I looked at that pregnancy test. What would become of me? I had always been the good girl – the one that got good grades and followed the rules.”
‘The doctor intensively listened to her heartbeat – troubled by what he heard. We realized the severity of the situation. Immediately dropping to my knees in despair, we moved into the hospital.’
“I immediately started CPR and called 911 while my husband tried to keep the boys out of the room. Things escalated quickly. Before I knew it, our road was blocked by police, firefighters, and an ambulance. All these people lent us their hands in attempt to save our daughter.”
‘In these 45 days, I have held my 2-year old while she was throwing up, during blood draws and X-rays. I have watched her learn to trust. I know what blanket she needs to fall asleep.’
“I have met my child’s birth mom and held her. I have cried with her and prayed for her. My heart is wide open. It has grown to love not only this child, but also her biological mother. I’m rooting for her and wanting desperately to help her break this cycle of life she is trapped in.”
‘When I was 18 years old, I had an abortion. The reasons were deplorable. I was in my first year of college, with a boyfriend I no longer loved. When I was 23, I had another abortion.’
“Before I could blink, I had an adoring husband, a 2-year-old and I was fresh off the ache of a miscarriage. When a recent layoff made insurance scarce and the price of genetic testing unreasonable, I went without it when I became pregnant once again.”
‘You guys did great. You did great 3 times,’ our doctor said as she laid out our sonogram with three little sacs. My mind was racing. Shock and fear set in.’
“Mike couldn’t speak. In fact, the doctor looked at him after we covered all the basics and said, ‘Dad, are you OK? You haven’t said anything.’”
‘Michael got news something had gone wrong. I was being put under anesthesia immediately. He wasn’t thinking he would have to worry about me too.’
“I was in disbelief. I thought he would be taken away from me like the girls were. I didn’t want to get attached. Even with a giant belly at 38 weeks, seeing him move wasn’t enough for me to believe. I wanted to protect myself and prepare for the worst.”
‘Our 18-month-old grabbed a bottle of baby oil and drank a little. Minutes later, he started acting lethargic. When we picked him up, it was dead weight. He kept trying to fall asleep in our arms.’
“What?! How did I not know that?! How has no one I have told so far known anything about how dangerous baby oil can be?!”
