“It’s a harsh reality to admit, and I’m sure I’ll get a few gasps. But it’s the honest truth. And I know I’m not alone. I shrug off compliments from strangers about my pregnancy. This is my coping mechanism.”
‘I’m not attached to my baby. There, I said it.’
‘Are you mom?’ I nodded, ‘Yes.’ He ran along the canal for a mile. He saw the farmer pulling her out of the water. Our sweet girl had bumped into this farmer’s leg.’
“With 10 adults and 5 kids present, anyone would assume our daughter would have been safe. But after unexpected guests rang the doorbell, a bag of popcorn started on fire, and multiple kids ran outside, it only took seconds for Preslee to slip past everyone into the canal.”
‘Shonna, someone was in an accident. It looks like his motorcycle.’ I was holding our daughter. ‘I’M GOING TO DROP HER.’ I tumbled outside, listening for sirens.’
“He gave us forehead kisses. ‘Byeee Charlotte, daddy loves you,’ and backed out of the driveway. My phone rang. I remember answering to hear concern on the other end. ‘What’s Brandon doing?,’ they asked. ‘Oh, he’s out on a bike ride!’ There was a long pause.”
‘Oh, God. This has to be a dream. Not MY Mick.’ They were only going to the race track. A 3-hour drive from home. Their horse was racing, and then they were supposed to come back.’
“Then it dawned on me. Is this what Mick meant when he said to me, ‘Under no circumstances can I change my plans on Saturday and take Chloe to basketball.’ I can’t believe I never questioned him on that; it was very unusual for him not to go and watch her play.”
‘Passenger 2C stomped onto the plane. He should have worn a sign that read, ‘Do you know who I am?’ Did you really have to throw your foot on the armchair? Darn. So sorry.’
“I have finally figured out why I was so mad at him, and why my heart was so full of hate. Passenger 2C, I’m sorry I said mean things. If I hadn’t been making fun of you, I would have doubled over in my seat sobbing.”
‘During a regular, boring trip to the grocery store at 26-weeks pregnant, I went into labor. We rushed to the hospital. The NICU doctor had to ‘speak with us.’ My heart broke all over again.’
“At first, my little ‘hobby’ was an outlet – a very private and personal one. We had recently endured the sudden loss of our son. It was noticed by friends – and friends of friends. I quickly realized there were so many mamas that understood.”
‘Garry!’ I yelled, grabbing his face. ‘Garry, wake up!’ I screamed at him. There was no response other than the awful snoring and shaking. I bolted across my yard to pound on my neighbor’s door.’
“I awoke with a startle. I’d only been asleep for an hour when a strange sound roused me. There it was again, coming from my husband’s side of the bed; a strange snoring sound, except it wasn’t snoring. Something wasn’t right. He was shaking. My babies were sleeping soundly in their beds.”
‘Two men in uniform showed up at her door. ‘They’re coming. The Marines are coming.’ I looked at my mom. ‘I have to go,’ I said, and hung up immediately.’
“‘Paul didn’t show up to work today. This isn’t good Mom. I need you to pray,’ I said. I hadn’t spoken to my husband in 48 hours and was really worried. Every text sent went unanswered. I called a fellow Marine. He asked me, ‘What do you know?’”
‘I awoke with a voicemail from the doctor. ‘How did I miss this?’ I raced to the hospital. I got teary eyed, and said to him, ‘I love you, you are going to be ok.’
“I asked, ‘How could that happen so fast?!’ I screamed, ‘You can do this. Fight. I need you. Theo needs you. We can’t do this without you.’ I held his hand but, in my heart, I knew.”
‘I took maternity photos in the dress I wore to my husband’s funeral.’
“I didn’t know I was pregnant on the day of the funeral. Clothes were strewn about in a panic as I rummaged through every drawer, hamper and closet 2 hours before I was supposed to meet the photographer. Then I saw it. Hanging quietly in the corner where it had remained for the last 7 months.”