guilty

‘To my child who gets dragged from place to place because of your siblings, I have guilt. We go to THEIR play spaces, sports, summer camp pickups. And you are constantly waiting.’: Mom apologizes to her ‘drag-along child’

“You wait as I get your siblings ready for the day. You wait as I break up their fights. You wait as I load them into the car, in tears of frustration because you need me, but I need to get them somewhere by a certain time. I don’t get enough chances to take all of you in, to enjoy your coos and smiles. You don’t have all of me.”

‘My pregnancy crushed my stepkids. The mom and dad they’d known were gone, and now we were bringing a baby into their lives.’ Mom feels ‘remorse’ for bringing child into ‘complicated’ home

“I mourned that my daughter couldn’t be welcomed into the world with joyful innocence. She’d be born into a life of sharing Christmases and summer vacations. A life where daddy couldn’t tell mommy she was his first and only wife. I had to bury the dreams of what I THOUGHT motherhood looked like.”

‘Motherhood is really tough.’ You’d think, ‘Well that’s crap.’ Birth was traumatic. As a child of sexual abuse, a traumatic birth can be very re-triggering. I didn’t count on that.’

“I expected to be handed my baby like I was Beyoncé in a floral garden and the heavens open up. Instead, I felt like a potato cake seagulls were fighting over, one stitching me up, one folding my boob like a hamburger to stuff in my baby’s mouth, and one pressing so hard on my stomach I thought she was going to touch my spine. Yep, didn’t count on that.”

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