“It was hard for my husband to look at me. We had to call our family and tell them the news. They took it much harder than I did. All my mom wanted to do was hug me. It was very smothering.”
‘You’re 12 weeks along, but it looks like the baby hasn’t grown since the 8-week mark.’ I blurted out, ‘Oh, well that’s a bummer.’ I felt like monster.’
‘We found out we were pregnant at 17. We were scared. Soon after, we were having a second. I am so grateful for my ex. I never thought I would say those words. But here I am. So grateful for my ex.’
“We had the ‘million dollar’ family. A boy, a girl, and two high school sweethearts who got married and made it through teen pregnancy. But then, we started to lose the ‘spark.'”
‘This is not my year to run a marathon, drink 2 gallons of water a day, or make healthy, home-cooked meals. It is my year to survive.’
“This year, I’m laying it all down. I can’t. The truth is, I’m in the weeds. Some years aren’t meant to be record-breaking. Some years are meant to survive.”
‘I mentioned how different my hair felt. Her eyes widened as she touched my head. My thick blonde locks were noticeably thinner.’
“That day at the hair salon was pivotal. As I sat with foils covering my head, I knew I had to make some changes. For so many years I had put others before me, it was time to take control of my life.”
‘It’s the mom who won’t look at you because she’s afraid she will say something stupid. It’s the girl who sends 50 text messages in 1 hour because her thoughts tell her you don’t like her.’
“The photo on the right was a week after I got out of psych ward that I posted to social media with a hashtag #happy.”
‘Some days I feel fantastic. That’s the part of me most people know. Then there are the days where I retreat. Where I spend hours alone. Where my thoughts get dark.’
“I panic about my children when they’re just fine. I wake up unable to fall asleep because of my own thoughts. I replay conversations that were over weeks ago.”
‘We surprised mom and dad with someone they love. She wasn’t looking at him, but she was smiling. She was giggling. And then it happened – she started humming.’
“We were beside ourselves with the happiness he was bringing her and how she was letting him, and all of us know, she knew he was there. She knew who he was. We soaked it in, knowing it all may be fleeting.”
‘I’d flip the TV off, say goodnight to my parents, head to the bathroom, grab my sunglasses case, opening it up to my spoon, baggies, and needle. Into my veins the heroin would go.’
“‘I can do this, and I will,’ I thought, ‘just not today.’ I was now using in secret. All day, every day.”
‘My son was 4 days away from 8 months old. Never one health concern, happy and brighter than the sun itself. I was in total bliss. Then, just like that, it was gone.’
“I remember running into the ER asking about my son in between sobs. The doctor came in, looked me in the eyes and said, ‘I’m sorry.’”
‘I am an autism mom. When people hear that, they often think I have a child who has autism.’
“Can my son not be happy? Can he not be loved and appreciated for the happy, helpful, loving boy that he is? He’s a 4-year-old.”
