“I thought happiness could be measured by my achievements. I pushed to get good grades in school, to get a high-paying job. But after all of it, I still wasn’t happy. My excuse was always, ‘I’ll be relaxed and enjoy my life only after [x]. I’ll do that after I achieve [x].’ I always had something to pursue. I was never good enough for my own love, or anyone else’s.”
‘I could never enjoy date night with my husband. Guilt was always there to haunt me, to blame me for being relaxed and lazy.’: Woman learns to accept her ‘imperfect life,’ says today is ‘the perfect time to feel happy’
‘My mom still waves goodbye to me. She stands out on her driveway and waves.’: Daughter ‘thinks of her mom’ when grieving how fast her own child are growing up
“She still cares about me like she did when I was a kid. She can’t help herself. As I’ve gotten older, my mom still does the same motherly things she’s always done, now for me and my babies. I love how precious she is to me.”
‘I keep telling myself, ‘Today is the day.’ The day I get it together. Workout more, eat healthier. Serve less frozen foods. Then, week after week, I don’t.’ Woman explains self-care is more than a ‘bubble bath’ or ‘weekend out with the girls’
“We’d never want our children to run on empty. Put themselves last. So, what are YOU doing? Life isn’t meant to be a series of checklists and drive-bys. Stop trying to fill up everyone’s cup and take a look at your own. It’s empty, isn’t it? That’s not living, sister – that’s just going through the motions.”
‘I heard a cracking sound and a thud as my head hit the window. He threw the car into park. I’d ‘pushed his buttons’ and made him do it. He told me it was my fault.’ Woman recounts how ‘fairy tale’ quickly turned to abusive nightmare
“In slow motion, the scene still unspools in my head. ‘You loved me once,’ I croaked out, looking up at him. We had history. We had a home together. Failure was not an option. I clung to him, my heart believing if I just loved him enough, he’d emerge from the darkness.”
‘He told her their surveillance cameras caught her leaving and spilling her groceries. She lost almost ALL her groceries, and didn’t realize it until she was home.’
“Not long after arriving home, she got a phone call. It was the manager at Publix. ‘Is this Mrs. Hicks?,’ the manager asked. ‘Yes,’ she replied.”
‘I gave birth to my son while high on methamphetamine. I wish I could tell you I sobered up, but I did not. We were joined at the hip. We were both addicts, but wanted to be sober.’
“I was so afraid. I just knew CPS was going to take him, but a miracle happened. He was born completely clean. No drugs in his system. He was perfectly healthy. Neal and I cried and cried. We went home that following Monday and swore we would stay sober.”
‘She bagged all our groceries and told Isaac, ‘I love you.’ I don’t know how he knew how meaningful this would be to her, but somehow, he did.’
“Isaac made our day, just by taking his time with us. We’ve never met Isaac before, but as he watched Lilly approaching the bagging area, she started to get the first bag ready. I’ll never forget, he asked if she would like to help him.”
‘It was New Year’s Eve. Midnight came. Just like that, the love of my life was gone. I’ll never forget the look on her face. She gently patted me. ‘I love you.’ That was the last time I saw her as herself.’
“The next morning, I got a call. ‘She won’t answer the phone or come to the door.’ 25 nerve-wracking minutes later, we found her. I was standing at the head of the bed. I brushed her hair with one hand, her shoulder with the other. I wish I could tell you she looked peaceful, but she didn’t. She looked scared.”
‘He is a good son. We love you Jeff.’ I couldn’t stop sobbing. He went on, as if they both were standing next to his bed. His eyes were closed, but he had the most peaceful smile.’
“He was sleeping, when I heard him say something. I leaned in. As clear as can be, he started having a conversation with Mom and Jeff. Jeff is his son, who died 2 years ago. They were whole, healthy, and together once again. I was overwhelmed by what had just taken place.”
‘It’s not my job to make you happy. Sorry, buckaroo. You’re going to have to figure that one out on your own. I’ll make sure I am happy.’
“’You’ve screwed up again.’ You’ll be out of this house. And when that happens, there won’t be much we can do to make you happy anymore.”
