“Then it dawned on me. Is this what Mick meant when he said to me, ‘Under no circumstances can I change my plans on Saturday and take Chloe to basketball.’ I can’t believe I never questioned him on that; it was very unusual for him not to go and watch her play.”
‘Oh, God. This has to be a dream. Not MY Mick.’ They were only going to the race track. A 3-hour drive from home. Their horse was racing, and then they were supposed to come back.’
‘Garry!’ I yelled, grabbing his face. ‘Garry, wake up!’ I screamed at him. There was no response other than the awful snoring and shaking. I bolted across my yard to pound on my neighbor’s door.’
“I awoke with a startle. I’d only been asleep for an hour when a strange sound roused me. There it was again, coming from my husband’s side of the bed; a strange snoring sound, except it wasn’t snoring. Something wasn’t right. He was shaking. My babies were sleeping soundly in their beds.”
‘I awoke with a voicemail from the doctor. ‘How did I miss this?’ I raced to the hospital. I got teary eyed, and said to him, ‘I love you, you are going to be ok.’
“I asked, ‘How could that happen so fast?!’ I screamed, ‘You can do this. Fight. I need you. Theo needs you. We can’t do this without you.’ I held his hand but, in my heart, I knew.”
‘Babe, know what I’m thinking?’ I was like, ‘Pizza or Chinese?’ He said, ‘We should have another kid!’ Our surrogate got pregnant with twins! Tim was calm, I was nervous.’
“Tim went on a business trip. I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t heard from him. Then I got the voicemail. ‘Hello, this is the police, please give us a call.’ A detective answered. ‘Who is Timothy to you?’ ‘He’s my husband,’ I said. ‘What’s going on?’ ‘I’m sorry to tell you this, but Tim passed away in his hotel room.'”
‘I came downstairs to 3 missed calls from my dad. The hotel staff found my husband unconscious. He was 32. No warning. My love was there one second, and gone the next.’
“I remember him grabbing his bags to head out on his business trip, swinging them around his shoulder, and walking up to me at the island where I was making breakfast. He kissed me and told me he loved me. That would be the last time I would ever see him.”
‘Get here now! It’s bad, it’s real bad.’ I jumped out of bed and yelled, ‘We have to go now! Something has happened.’ I knelt down beside him. ‘I am so sorry son, I love you so much Joshua.’
“My fiancé hardly had the car in park. I jumped out and ran down the driveway toward my son. Before I could get to Josh, two police officers held me back. I cried out, ‘My baby, my baby, I want my baby!’ At that moment, I knew my worst nightmare had come true. My precious son was gone in a blink of an eye.”
‘I thought to myself, ‘This is crazy!’ My heart sank as the doctors rushed into the room. We were going to have ‘the talk’. I could tell by the look in their eyes.’
“The nurses told me, ‘At least he is crying! It’s a good sign.’ I thought to myself, ‘What are you talking about? This is absolutely horrible!’ I was naïve.”
‘I felt like a building was collapsing on my chest. I had sharp pains. When I got up to get my screaming baby, I fainted. I couldn’t move, so I just sat until my husband came home.’
“I went to the hospital by ambulance and apologized to the paramedics. She asked me ‘why?’ I told her, ‘Because if I wasn’t having a heart attack, I’d feel bad I was wasting people’s time.’ We both laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. But I continued to apologize to everyone.”
‘I was over 600 pounds. I feared my wife would find me dead of a heart attack. I had two choices: lose weight or die.’
“I couldn’t walk more than a few hundred feet. People avoided me in public, as if being overweight was contagious. One parent used me as a lesson for their kid. ‘Look at him. This is what happens when you don’t eat right,’ she said.”
‘I could hear the sirens. We ran up to see a stranger doing CPR on our perfect 20-month-old nephew. I could not believe what I was seeing. My husband dropped to his knees.’
“Royce had been playing on the bed when he fell. I grabbed and hugged my sister-in-law, trying to face her away from the horror. We were all in the worst kind of shock. This was not happening, not Royce. It could not be our perfect Royce.”