“I started feeling ‘off’. I burst into tears. Everyone insisted I was just anxious. All I could do was pray my blood pressure went down, and my placenta hung in there. 30 seconds into my scheduled ultrasound, my doctor told me she was taking me to the operating room.”
‘I got pregnant too early in my relationship. I went home on my lunch break, positive test in my pocket. I was terrified to hand it over to him, but knew I had to. What were we going to do?’
‘Is he gone?!,’ I yelled. It wasn’t my husband. He was so excited to be a dad. He was born to be one. I held his hand, telling him how much his unborn son and I loved him.’
“Scott just started a new job. We bought a house and were moving. He started not feeling well, but we attributed it to the stress of everything changing in our life. He went to work after getting me settled in the hospital. When he came back, he looked pale. I told him to get some rest, I would be just fine.”
‘I looked at my daughter standing beside me. You could see the fear in her eyes. No one was talking. I finally yelled out ‘HELLO!’
“I kept thinking, ‘I just have to make it to the hospital, I just need to make it to the hospital.’ Her coloring was terrible. I entered the door carrying my limp daughter.”
‘I have to take him and run!’ We were worried, but he was perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of black hair. I thought, ‘There’s no way. She’s crazy.’
“My baby didn’t look like my baby. You know that feeling where you’re so shocked you could cry, but nothing comes out? That’s where I was. I was stuck between wanting to crumble to the ground in disbelief, and wanting to smile because my baby made it.”
‘It’s the heart! Something is wrong with our baby’s heart’ The kicking and screaming slowly stopped and he was limp and asleep.
“We hugged and kissed and told SJ how much we love him. He was emotional this time. He cried and cried saying no more pokies mommy. I want to go home. With each tear that fell from his eyes my heart was crushed a little more.”
‘My healthy, 39-year-old husband said he felt ‘off.’ When I got to the hospital, 2 nurses came out, crying. ‘Is he DEAD?,’ I screamed. The words she uttered took my breath away.’
“My mom showed up and was hysterical. I thought to myself, ‘pull yourself together, I need you to be strong and support me.’ She immediately pulled me out into the hall. ‘Your sister died last night.’ What.”
‘Michael got news something had gone wrong. I was being put under anesthesia immediately. He wasn’t thinking he would have to worry about me too.’
“I was in disbelief. I thought he would be taken away from me like the girls were. I didn’t want to get attached. Even with a giant belly at 38 weeks, seeing him move wasn’t enough for me to believe. I wanted to protect myself and prepare for the worst.”
‘My husband announced he canceled his vasectomy, and was willing to ‘try for one more.’ I propped up in disbelief, listening to the Doppler’s drumming. Two babies? Twins!?’
“This was taking a long time. Had the last ultrasound been this quiet? My eyes scrutinized the facial expressions of each technician. Concern over whether or not our girls may have Down syndrome, outshone the fact that they without a doubt had heart defects.”
‘When I brought my daughter home from the hospital after her heart surgery, I was so focused on her recovery – not knowing there was a storm within my OWN body ready to surface.’
“I have never felt so helpless as the day I stood and watched the paramedics stop and restart my little girl’s heart 3 times right in front of me. I sat there frozen. A doctor asked me if I was ok. ‘No, I don’t feel well.’”
‘My mom had a normal pregnancy with me, nothing was out of the ordinary. After I was born, my pediatrician noticed something wasn’t right. I was blue in color and had low blood oxygen.’
“I embrace my scar because it’s a part of who I am. It’s a reminder of everything I have been through. I was a walking miracle.”
