“The boy’s mom quickly said, ‘He is brown, but he’s beautiful.’ The little boy yelled again, ‘No, he’s not. He’s NOT beautiful, because he’s brown!’ In the moment, I couldn’t even open my mouth.”
‘A little boy saw you and yelled, ‘You’re brown, you’re not supposed to be brown!’ My heart dropped to the floor. You had the most innocent look on your face.’
‘I was SO nervous the morning of the surprise. I felt like I was back in high school, about to give a dreadful speech. I watched my recycling driver cry tears of joy. The burden was instantly lifted.’
“I thought that would be it. I was wrong. What is a mundane task to many is a big deal around here.”
‘Your heart rate is fast and it skips. We don’t know why. You are young, you will grow out of it.’ The appointments were worthless. The doctor wrote me off as a hypochondriac.’
“I was angry. Enraged is more like it. I realized my major problems started at the end of 2013. What had I done differently that year? I had birth control inserted in my arm. It was just a hunch, but I knew deep down I was right.”
‘There’s good news and there’s bad news,’ my dad told me. ‘The good news is they found out what’s wrong with Mom.’ I didn’t know how much longer I could hang on.’
“After 2 years of troubling behavior with my mom, and doctors assuring us there was nothing wrong, we finally had concrete answers. Dad’s voice caught in his throat and tears welled in his eyes. He said the word we most feared.”
‘I discovered a bag he had given me. When I opened it, I found something I never knew was in there. I’ll never forget reading the words I didn’t know I needed to hear.’
“I never fully looked through the bag when he gave it to me. But when I went through all the items on this day, I found something – something I had once told Dad I would love to have after he was gone.”
‘I remember falling into his arms, bawling. ‘It’s not fair! Why me?’ I desperately wanted a normal, healthy baby. I remember walking to the car, feeling as if someone died.’
“I immediately cried to my mom. ‘What if I’m embarrassed of my own child?’ Our little girl’s heart was broken. She had a hole right in the center of it. I prayed for mine to be broken instead.”
‘Do you know where you are?’ I shook my head yes. ‘Do you know who I am?’ Yes, I nodded, grabbing his wedding band. Then, Jeremy left the room. I coded 3 more times.’
“‘Do you know who Lisa and Jerry are?’ Again, I nodded yes. I recognized my parents’ names. ‘Do you know who Jamee and Isabella are?’ I couldn’t recall. The names seemed foreign. My own children.”
‘I have to take him and run!’ We were worried, but he was perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of black hair. I thought, ‘There’s no way. She’s crazy.’
“My baby didn’t look like my baby. You know that feeling where you’re so shocked you could cry, but nothing comes out? That’s where I was. I was stuck between wanting to crumble to the ground in disbelief, and wanting to smile because my baby made it.”
‘My friend was sure I was dead. I was pronounced dead on arrival. The first call was to the hospital to get the body bag ready, then my aunt to tell her I was clinically dead for 6 minutes.’
“We stopped in the middle of our street after a car drove up next to us. My mother asked for my clothes and shoes, but my aunt told her they were too drenched with blood to save. Blood was pouring out of my shoes.”
‘They plopped her on my tummy, facing her daddy. I cried the happiest tears. But, my husband looked at me with the most concerned look on his face. He knew.’
“It’s 2 o’clock in the morning, my water breaks on the toilet. No contractions, no leaking. I assumed it was urine, so I went back to bed. I called the nurse line when I woke up. ‘It’s most likely just urine from the baby shifting on your bladder.’ But for the first time ever? On my due date?”
