hilarious

‘I pressed the spray tan button and suddenly started leaking. I hadn’t nursed in an hour. Milk was squirting onto the sides of the booth. I stared in horror.’: Mom shares hilarious postpartum spray tan fail before wedding

“My best friend’s wedding was only 3 weeks away. As we got closer to the date, I realized I needed to get my sh*t together if I didn’t want to look like a hot mess at the altar. After all, I’d just had a 9-pound baby boy cut from my uterus. I headed to my local spray tan salon. Milk was squirting onto the sides of the booth. I was leaking, BAD.”

‘I seriously spent 10 minutes scrubbing my dootie hand and crying. My dog has been tormenting me for 7 seven years.’: Mom shares hilarious story of ‘angry pooter’ dog, ‘family is familly, no matter what’

“Frank is an angry pooter. Things he has pooted on when mad at me: my pillow, bed, couch, shoes, literally a pack of crackers, inside my purse, in my suitcase, and on top of a makeup bag. His aim is remarkable for a dog that takes multiple tries to jump on the couch and often falls off while licking his own butthole.”

‘That is a mean mug.’ I saw my little girl for the first time. She was NOT impressed.’: Parents surprised by daughter’s hilariously angry face after birth

“The next day, after a well deserved rest, the family appeared to meet our baby girl. With them taking photos and taking turns holding ‘the potato,’ we really starting to notice her face. She was NOT happy with being evicted. I told my husband as he was holding Luna, ‘check out that face.’ She had his stupid mean mug face, but unlike him, she made it look good.”

‘My therapist said it might be a good idea to hire a ‘personal assistant.’ I’m a stay-at-home-mom. Am I crazy to consider it?’: Mother recalls how extra help would get her ‘sparkle’ back

“I was at brunch slurping up a delectable chai with a girlfriend when I confessed all my help. ‘So, I have this gal who does our house’s big deep cleans and then another gal who does light tidying and takes care of all the laundry a few times a week and this other gal who babysits one day a week during the afterschool hours to give me a break from, well, the after school hours.’ P.S. I’m a stay-at-home mom.”

‘AND I told them about your beehive!,’ he blurts out. Y’all, like a child caught red handed. He confessed to everything.’: Mom pens hilarious open letter to the nosy neighbor who called 911 on her beehive

“To my surprise, a cop was just pounding on our door. Someone called about our garbage cans being by the garage door. THE AUDACITY!! I said, ‘Oh my God! TOTALLY fine, I’m sorry.’ But then I was also like, ‘Waiiiiit a sec… screw whoever called on us!’ Ok, Petty Boop. Come to my house and knock on the door – we all know each other VERY well. Then out of NO WHERE, the officer says, ‘That’s a big beehive you got there!’ I felt like someone noticed my but looked good. I love that thing so much. ‘OMG ISN’T IT AMAZING?!’ Then it clicked. How DARE you!”

‘Oh… My… Gosh… that’s a dong.’ CAN Y’ALL BELIEVE THIS?! My daughter is on a giant red rocket!’: Mom in hysterics after spotting innocent daughter on penis-looking playground structure at recess

“I can’t wait to see what my angelic 5-year-old is up to today. I open the album titled ‘recess’ and OH MY GOSH – There. She. Was. IN ALL HER GLORY. I immediately called my husband. WHO DESIGNED THIS PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT?! I am cryyyyiinnngg. This is not a drill. I repeat… this is NOT a drill.”

‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Shizzing yourself at your job interview. That’s what.’: Woman hilariously shares ‘mortifying’ accident, hopes it can ‘make someone smile’

“I felt a bead of sweat roll down my face. My stomach started making beastly growls. I got to my feet to rush to the bathroom when I heard a knock. ‘Hello, Mrs. O? It’s so nice to meet you.’ Shiz. Shiz. Holy shiz. It was too late. I was trapped! Suddenly, I felt hot flashes and bubbles. My body was going to DO THE DAMN THING. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.”

‘The man yells, ‘Look! These are yours. They fell out of that box. I’m your mailman!’: Woman hilariously recalls run-in with Amazon Prime deliveryman who picked up her ‘new butt’ underwear

“I saw a man walk onto my porch, then he bent down like he was hiding. So, I was like, ‘Hell no, you aren’t about to steal my Halloween decorations.’ I grab a baseball bat and the dog, open the door, jump out and literally yell ‘Freeze!’ The man stands up, and he’s holding a pair of underwear. I’m like, ‘You dirty old man, you’re on my porch smelling underwear.’ I’m out here swinging this baseball bat and he’s screaming, ‘Wait! Wait!’”

‘It’s not how you look, it’s how you FEEL!’: 8-year-old rocks red ball gown in school pictures, mom can’t argue with her confidence

“‘Click, click, swoosh, swoosh’ was all I heard as my 8-year-old daughter emerged from her bedroom. It was just after 7:30 a.m. – she was wearing silver high heels and a floor-length, red, jeweled, ball gown. My initial thought was, ‘She must think it’s Saturday.’ It was indeed a school-day. Not only that, it was the all-important, everlasting PICTURE DAY! Oh, she knew.”

For our best love stories, subscribe to our free email newsletter: