hilarious

‘Elf on the Shelf is a HARD NO for me — Here’s why.’

“Feeling exhausted after a long day of, I don’t know, being a parent? Is your only desire to drain a glass of chardonnay and sleep after working 8 hours and doing 4 loads of laundry? TOO BAD, MOM! WINKSY NEEDS A NEW, CLEVER HIDING SPOT!”

‘The first step is admitting you have a Christmas movie problem.’

“Where else besides ‘Dancing with the Stars’ can you find all of your favorite sitcom actors from the ’90s? Danica McKellar? Yes, please! Lacey Chabert? I’ll take two! Is that Dean Cain? Grab your Santa suit and get in that phone booth, Superman. You can save my Christmas anytime!”

‘I call Leo in. He looks at it, cocks his little head to the side. And then, obviously, I yelled at it. The spider ran. Leo starts screaming. The louder he screams, the faster the spider pursued him.’

“Let me share with y’all a massive mom fail I experienced. I noticed this toy for sale. They’re called ‘Yellies’ and the louder you yell at it, the faster it goes. Being the mother of a naturally loud and boisterous kid, I thought it would be the perfect Christmas present…”

‘As my due date gets closer, I thought about removing my body hair so I don’t get shaved down by a nurse and die of embarrassment because she needs a whipper snipper to cut through the Sherwood Forest.’

“’Are you in labor?,’ he asks holding the tongs. ‘No! Omg I’m having a reaction to the cream!’ He looks at my face and sees half-hardened face mask and thinks I put the cream on my face, so he helpfully grabs a towel and starts rubbing my face while I’m trying to push him away.”

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