“‘She’s just taking a nap after her swim.’ I snapped out of my idiotic bliss. Call it divine inspiration, Mother’s Intuition, or simply, ‘Hey dummy, pay attention to your kids.’ I was suddenly struck with the thought of, ‘Huh. Why do they have a towel in a large Tupperware filled with water?'”
‘My heart raced as I ran towards the kiddie pool. Taking a clue from my children’s guilty faces, I expected the worst. ‘Where is she?!’ I demanded.’
‘Snip snip, Hooray! We have some exciting news. I brought up the vasectomy, and knew we had to have a party.’
“I think that’s all my husband thought I had planned, but little did he know!”
‘I asked him what he was going to do when she had a really rough pregnancy and her body changed. ‘Are you going to walk out? I have a feeling you are better than that.’
“He was going on about how the woman he married was going to have a banging body, be into healthy food and video games. She was going to have the fashion sense of a Kardashian, while also being thrifty. Basically his dream woman was was full of contradictions. I don’t think he liked my response.”
‘I was having a hard time finding the words – probably because I haven’t had any sleep – to express to my husband why I’m not in the best of moods in the morning.’
“So, I sat down with my coffee and drew him this visual.”
‘Well, you won’t believe what happened yesterday DURING OUR MATERNITY SHOOT!’
“Our chests are bursting with love for our new addition”
‘When your wife think she’s slick!’ Wife requests $1,000 dollars for ‘wife services,’ but husband’s hilarious reply is perfect
“We regret to inform you that your request for payment has been rejected.”
‘I’m sorry I cheated on you in your dreams. I would love to say it won’t happen again but it’s out of my control.’
“A real man admits when he’s wrong. You have to own up to your mistakes. No excuses.”
‘Sorry we missed you – Bear in driveway’: UPS delivery driver’s HILARIOUS excuse for not leaving package
“Like I say. Only in Asheville!”
‘My mom used to watch Jeopardy early, on a different city’s channel so when she’d watch it with my dad she’d know all the answers.’
“She’s still never told him!”
‘Welcome Home From Prison Mom’: 4-year-old’s hilarious prank for mom in airport
“I got off the plane and spotted my husband first. Once I got closer I could see my son holding something, and then I read it….”
