“My imagination was running wild. I was definitely assuming she was going to tell us something bad. But no. No. No. No. ‘Do you kids know what song they are singing right now?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied (still confused). She began to lightly pat her hands on the bed, beaming with pride.”
‘Sit down. I need to tell you something.’ ‘Mom, what’s wrong?! Are you ok?’ I found her sitting ladylike in bed.’: Woman recalls hilarious Christmas moment with mom, family still jokes about it during holidays
‘The man yells, ‘Look! These are yours. They fell out of that box. I’m your mailman!’: Woman hilariously recalls run-in with Amazon Prime deliveryman who picked up her ‘new butt’ underwear
“I saw a man walk onto my porch, then he bent down like he was hiding. So, I was like, ‘Hell no, you aren’t about to steal my Halloween decorations.’ I grab a baseball bat and the dog, open the door, jump out and literally yell ‘Freeze!’ The man stands up, and he’s holding a pair of underwear. I’m like, ‘You dirty old man, you’re on my porch smelling underwear.’ I’m out here swinging this baseball bat and he’s screaming, ‘Wait! Wait!’”
‘I’m Claire. I’m 90. I’m single. And I don’t need no man! Mic drop.’: 90-year-old woman hilariously praises ‘hubby-free’ life, claims it’s ‘the secret to living long’
“I’m a prune, I know. But a living prune nonetheless! I don’t have Alzheimer’s. I don’t use a cane. Yes, I remember what I ate for dinner 3 nights ago. And I don’t have a husband! No, he didn’t die off on me. I didn’t outlive him. He never existed! I’m convinced these leafy greens aren’t the only reason I’m been alive and truckin’ this long!”
‘My heart raced as I ran towards the kiddie pool. Taking a clue from my children’s guilty faces, I expected the worst. ‘Where is she?!’ I demanded.’
“‘She’s just taking a nap after her swim.’ I snapped out of my idiotic bliss. Call it divine inspiration, Mother’s Intuition, or simply, ‘Hey dummy, pay attention to your kids.’ I was suddenly struck with the thought of, ‘Huh. Why do they have a towel in a large Tupperware filled with water?'”
‘Snip snip, Hooray! We have some exciting news. I brought up the vasectomy, and knew we had to have a party.’
“I think that’s all my husband thought I had planned, but little did he know!”
‘I asked him what he was going to do when she had a really rough pregnancy and her body changed. ‘Are you going to walk out? I have a feeling you are better than that.’
“He was going on about how the woman he married was going to have a banging body, be into healthy food and video games. She was going to have the fashion sense of a Kardashian, while also being thrifty. Basically his dream woman was was full of contradictions. I don’t think he liked my response.”
‘I was having a hard time finding the words – probably because I haven’t had any sleep – to express to my husband why I’m not in the best of moods in the morning.’
“So, I sat down with my coffee and drew him this visual.”
‘Well, you won’t believe what happened yesterday DURING OUR MATERNITY SHOOT!’
“Our chests are bursting with love for our new addition”
‘That’s when I, of course, changed our status from ‘married’ to ‘It’s complicated.’: Wife requests $1,000 dollars for ‘wife services,’ but husband’s hilarious reply is perfect
“The money request sent to Lance for ‘wife services’ was an attempt to make him laugh. When he unexpectedly replied with his reasons for denial, it was on!”
‘I’m sorry I cheated on you in your dreams. I would love to say it won’t happen again but it’s out of my control.’
“A real man admits when he’s wrong. You have to own up to your mistakes. No excuses.”
