husband

‘We’re broke. We’re $100 thousand in debt.’ He sent it to an online ‘camgirl.’ He is a porn addict, and has been since before he met me. I sat stunned, staring at him.’

“‘I lent a friend money. It’s gone. We’re not getting it back,’ he said. I was frozen. ‘How much money?’ My heart was racing. ‘Five thousand dollars?’ ‘Higher,’ he said between sobs. ‘TEN thousand? Twenty five? Fifty?’ I started to feel ill. It turns out, my husband hadn’t lent the money to a friend at all.”

‘I was okay with him having a daughter, but NOT an ex. ‘I wonder where she’s sitting? Are they on the same couch? Why hasn’t he texted me? They’re back together, in Vegas getting married.’

“If there was a woman coming into MY daughter’s life, I would need their social security number and 20 references. When I met her, she said ‘hi,’ and walked away. Hi. Hi? That’s it? Where’s the interrogation? Where’s the drug test? I told Sam, ‘She hates me! I should text her.’ I was a total crazy person.”

‘My husband was distant and mean, calling me his ‘future ex-wife.’ He drank too much and went to bed. He was on the phone with his cheating partner as I was cleaning up.’

“I asked him if he’d had another affair. He denied it at first saying ‘they were just friends,’ but I knew the truth. I even could guess who it was. Over a few bottles of wine, some markers and poster board, the epic ‘Take my Ex’s Stuff Yard Sale’ was created, and a hit in the neighborhood.”

‘Hubby: ‘I sent these pictures to work to show them the baby. They’re good, right?’ Me: ‘You’re kidding me, right? OH MY GOD! I am NOT covered up down there! Did you even LOOK at them?’

“Hubby: (in a rising and panicked voice). ‘Well, yeah. And I even had your DAD look at them before I sent them!’ My dad’s eyes are bulging out of his head. Dad starts trying to defend them. ‘We were just looking at your faces, it was a cute family photo…. Well, from the top up!’ My husband goes into damage control. ‘Oh no, oh my God, how did I miss that?’”

‘Slightly panicked, I asked where she’d like to go for the first date. Anywhere in the city. ‘Steak-n-Shake. I want you to see me in all my glory,’ she replied. That’s when I truly started to fall in love.’

“I like to think I am funny, so I used the movie quote, ‘My idea of a perfect date is April 25th…’ I truly thought nothing more of it, until a few days later, when she matched with me. She sent me a message to my Tinder inbox.  ‘Because it’s not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light Jacket.’ I was surprised.”

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