hysterical

‘I turned the key, and he clapped. Yep, CLAPPED, yelling out a ‘yeehaw!’ I had a hard time focusing over his hootin’ and hollerin’. He also lived in an RV park. Yippee ki yay.’

“This guy LOVED his truck. He insisted I drive the dang thing. Now, look, I am 5-feet-tall and the door to this monster was 6 feet in the air. But, I’m a sport. I threw my long, blonde hair into a ponytail, tossed my Dolce Gabbana purse onto the seat, steadied my stiletto on the step, and yanked myself in like I was getting on a horse. I prayed we weren’t about to reenact a scene from ‘Deliverance.’”

‘What in the actual hell are you doing?’ Then I saw it. The glassy eyes. I have NEVER seen my husband DRUNK. The waitress asks if he’d like another round. He’s LOST. HIS. MIND.’

“I peek into the bathroom. He is NAKED, on the toilet with his face in a garbage can. He hears me shriek with laughter and screams, ‘CLOSE THE DOOR DANIELLE!!’ Me: ‘You drink a little too much?’ Justin: ‘NO! It was the chicken wings.’ I am DOUBLED OVER laughing at how ridiculous this is, and how stupid he thinks I am.”

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