“Imagine being 15, standing in a house, and this person you have NEVER known walks in fresh out of prison? I got a call from my son. ‘Mom… Smith was at my grandma’s.’ I fell to the ground. My heart was racing so hard I could feel it in my throat. I drove roads at 4 a.m. looking for him. I had no idea where he was.”
‘My son came to my house with the cops. ‘YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM,’ I screamed. In one second, everything I had tried to protect was gone. He wouldn’t look at me as I cried.’
‘It was assumed he fell asleep behind the wheel. They didn’t know they were parents the day of the accident. I was their miracle baby.’
“My mom held my hand in hysterics as we buried the only man I had ever called ‘daddy,’ the man she married when I was a young child. My fears were justified. I spent 8 months in the hospital. Why am I sick when my parents struggled to have me?”
‘Is he gone?!,’ I yelled. It wasn’t my husband. He was so excited to be a dad. He was born to be one. I held his hand, telling him how much his unborn son and I loved him.’
“Scott just started a new job. We bought a house and were moving. He started not feeling well, but we attributed it to the stress of everything changing in our life. He went to work after getting me settled in the hospital. When he came back, he looked pale. I told him to get some rest, I would be just fine.”
‘You don’t understand, they will never help your family.’ I was blown away. He was getting worse by the day. ‘I’ve never had an experience like this before,’ the crisis worker apologized.’
“On my way home I received the phone call. It was totally incoherent from all the screaming. I desperately tried to find out what was happening. It was my daughter. ‘It’s Josh,’ I finally heard through the screams.”
‘The doctor said, ‘The parents need to understand there is no chance of their daughter having a meaningful life.’ I thought, ‘My daughter has meant more to me in the last 2 days than you will EVER mean to me.’
“What would our daughter have to do to be meaningful? Would she have to talk? Would she have to be able to solve math problems or perform in the school play? Graduating? Getting a job? Getting married? At what point would the doctor say, ‘Ok, you are meaningful now.”
‘Please help me, mom!’ My heart dropped. ‘I’m so thirsty. My tongue feels like sandpaper! I REALLY need a drink.’ An ER doctor yelled, ‘Get this young man back here RIGHT NOW!’
“We were in the middle of the Nevada desert with no signs of life for hours. The doctor informed me, ‘If you had waited 3 hours, your son would’ve died in the car.’ These symptoms are mistaken for the stomach flu or virus, strep throat or a growth spurt. I couldn’t believe I had numerous excuses for all of my son’s symptoms.’
‘I woke up expecting it to be my last day on earth. I bought a bottle of pills and razors. Then I bought a rope. I had 3 different plans and figured one of them had to work.’
“I walked for miles to find an area with a good tree, and no people. I finally found a place. I tied the rope around the tree, and took what I thought would be my last breath. I stepped off the branch. Then, someone called. My phone rang and rang. I finally answered.”
‘You can’t do it, don’t touch him!,’ she’d scream at me. He was alive. I wanted to meet him. I blacked out after. I died and woke up in the ICU.’
“It was not over yet. This time it was different. This time CPS came to visit me. She told me I was mentally unstable, and there was an open investigation. My whole world flipped upside down. I begged to not let this happen.”
‘We are having a problem. Your baby is floppy and turning blue. She only has a 50% chance of surviving through the night but we’ll do everything we can.’
“I woke up suddenly to the sound of my husband’s footsteps coming up the stairs to give me his phone. ‘Something has happened to Drew. He’s had a seizure. We were on our way to the park.’ I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have experienced seizures in the past. He’ll be OK.’ Second phone call. Everything was a blur.”
‘GOODNIGHT. LOVE YOU.’ A faint ‘love you’ left my mom’s lips back to me. Little did I know when I turned to leave, those would be her final words.’
“My brother requested we not prolong the inevitable. My dad, not wanting to believe, broke at that moment, and our lives forever changed.”
