identity

‘Motherhood is really tough.’ You’d think, ‘Well that’s crap.’ Birth was traumatic. As a child of sexual abuse, a traumatic birth can be very re-triggering. I didn’t count on that.’

“I expected to be handed my baby like I was Beyoncé in a floral garden and the heavens open up. Instead, I felt like a potato cake seagulls were fighting over, one stitching me up, one folding my boob like a hamburger to stuff in my baby’s mouth, and one pressing so hard on my stomach I thought she was going to touch my spine. Yep, didn’t count on that.”

‘Just stay down there, I’ll step over you’. A flippant comment by one of the mothers at swim lessons. I was trying to get to the pool on my bottom, guiding my son. I let her by, but it pushed me further into darkness.’

“I had an accident on a trampoline and broke my leg. Initially I saw it as a small set back and would be back in no time. I’d just gotten married 10 weeks before. The plan was to have children soon, so I wanted to recover as quickly as I could. Unfortunately, that was not the case.”

‘There’s a picture of you with a shawl around your head. Why are you wearing that?’ I was scared to tell her.’: Daughter converts to Islam, keeps decision from her mom because she ‘didn’t want to hurt her feelings’

“I had sent in my application and a few weeks later, my mom called me to tell me there was an envelope in the mail for me. Not knowing what it was, I told her to go ahead and open it. I was no longer living a secret life. I could be free with my mom now, or so I thought… When others started learning about my conversion, they’d put bad thoughts into my mom’s head.”

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