“When I saw the credit card charges to a hotel in a town 1,000 miles from where he was supposed to be, that was when I felt the knife in my gut – but somehow I still thought, maybe it was a mistake. Did someone open a card under his name?”
‘I called that hotel room and heard his voice. And then heard HER voice in the background. That was the day I broke. How do you live with someone not know who they truly are? Was I blind?’
‘I married a wealthy man at the age of 19. He was already divorced and 15 years older. I ran away and broke all ties with my parents. I was vulnerable.’
“I remember someone from another relationship telling me, ‘You should be happy, at least I am taking off one major thing in your to-do list by marrying you!’ I made the decision that my son and I will never meet him again. People often remind me I am a single mother. I tell them, ‘I was a single mother even when I was married.’”
‘I heard my brother yell, ‘Luke, move!’ I felt something hit my head. I instantly felt sick. I saw a gray beard, a man and his fist. I stood frozen. ‘Get away from them!’
“I stood in the living room, my hands shaking. I looked my mother in eye as she said, ‘What’s this important news you have?’ I nervously said, ‘Promise you won’t hate me?’ A look of concern crossed her face. I blurted out, ‘I’m gay, I have a boyfriend.’”
‘Have you been taking fertility meds?’ No! We tried for 1 child, and spontaneously got 3. TRIPLETS! It felt like, Us: ‘Let’s have another kid.’ Universe: ‘Hold my beer.’
“We had a narrow window to get pregnant before our son’s next heart battles. By week 7 I knew something was different. I remember turning to my husband and telling him, ‘Either pregnancy as you get older is exponentially harder, or we are having twins.’ I’m pretty sure that sealed our fate.”
‘I was alone working the bar. It was quiet until 15 men strolled in. One was on crutches. Now I wish I hadn’t been so kind.’
“While I was at the school dropoff, he would drive past and text me to let me know how I looked that day. He would magically turn up where I was. He wouldn’t always approach me, but would stick around long enough to remind me he was there, watching.”
‘I could sense a different tone in his voice. ‘Are you ok?,’ I asked. ‘It’s complicated.’ Panicked, I said, ‘We aren’t okay?’ He replied, ‘I don’t want to talk anymore.’ And the conversation ended.’
“I was so excited for my husband to get home from work that night. I decided to give him a call to see how far out he was. It was a conversation that would completely change my life. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I had no idea why it was happening.”
‘She was born with her umbilical chord around her neck, her face blue from lack of oxygen. She came into the world feet first. She always goes about things her own way, birth was no exception.’
“I had no idea what was happening, but I knew my mom was behind a cold, closed door that I wasn’t allowed to go through. I wish I could’ve held her hand – she needed it.”
‘He slipped something in my drink. He had a razor blade. He ‘accidentally’ sliced my thigh. I took photos of the blood dripping down my leg. When I woke up, the photos were deleted.’
“I met someone new. Someone who made me feel alive again. Six months later, I found out I was pregnant. Then I received devastating news.”
‘I had just gotten in my car when my phone rang. It was my best friend. She sounded serious. ‘What’s wrong?’ She didn’t know how to tell me, but I should get home as soon as I could.’
“My boyfriend was kicking me out of the apartment we shared. ‘Why?!,’ I asked her crying. I drove home as fast as I could. My clothes, makeup, shoes, were all thrown on the floor. He said he ‘knew what I had done.’ I was so confused.”
‘I was so nervous to have sex. I was 3 months postpartum. We booked a hotel for our first night away since the triplets were born.’
“On our first night away post-babies, I realized a lot about intimacy.”
