“My phone began to ring. My eyes rolled. I was still very bitter. ‘Hi Mrs. Amanda.’ Wait what? Is this for real? I looked down at my belly – I had two babies in my tummy who needed me, and now this? Really?”
‘Yes of course, bring our boy home,’ I blurted out quickly. I started to panic. ‘Now is there one baby or two babies?’ He moved the probe and we saw it. ‘You’re pregnant, with twins.’
‘I was starting to look pregnant, my boobs were huge, and I welcomed the nausea. The image appeared on the screen. I looked intently and finally asked, ‘where’s the heartbeat?!’
“I started laughing, mostly because it couldn’t possibly be true – I felt pregnant, I looked pregnant, and a week before, things were fine. I began sobbing.”
‘I let out a loud cry and immediately the words ‘I’M GOING TO BE A MOM’ poured out. My husband was in the other room and screamed ‘WHAT!’ We sobbed for hours. We couldn’t believe it.’
“I will never forget the moment our doctor told us. I was terrified what his next response would be. What happened? I broke down in tears. I was a healthy 26 year old. I could not understand.”
‘I would think, ‘I have time for me later. It’s their time now.’ The doctor confirmed I wasn’t dying ‘at that moment’ and sent me home. I laid across the receptionist’s desk sobbing, begging them to help me.’
“Looking back, I saw it coming but thought I could power through it. Well, even the strong need a break, and because I wasn’t taking one, my body did the work for me. It was a slow-moving storm that turned into a hurricane, and I went down. Hard.”
‘For over three years we tried to get to you. Appointment after appointment, shot after shot, tear after tear.’
“Right now I’m looking forward to the sleepless nights, the running late to school or practices, the bedtime struggles followed up by sweet prayers, and the constant laundry pile up.”
‘I kept bleeding, I had pain. They assured me it would ‘be over soon.’ I just didn’t feel right. I went to another OBGYN, and I got in THAT DAY. It sounded so morbid.’
“I called my husband sobbing, feeling like there was an elephant sitting on my chest. Not only did dissolving a pregnancy, a baby with a heartbeat, feel so morally wrong, I felt like a complete failure. After all, it was absolutely my tubes that were the problem.”
‘Without any emotion he said, ‘It didn’t make it.’ Twice. ‘Why didn’t anyone call me?’ He was busy. We just sat there in disbelief, and I cried.’
“Before I was wheeled back to surgery, my husband told me he loved me. The last thing I remember was going into the OR a little dizzy, the mask being put on my face, and tears falling while I closed my eyes. It was time to say goodbye.”
‘Mommy! I’m going to ask Santa for a baby in your belly!’ Doing all I could to keep it together, I replied, ‘That may be a hard promise for him to keep.’
“‘Well,’ she paused. ‘Five days is a long time. If it were me, I’d want to know.’ I could not get her words out of my head. I purchased the finest pregnancy tests 8 quarters could buy.”
‘At first they thought both stuck, then they thought it was a chemical pregnancy, and then they weren’t sure if it was viable. Then I found blood. I was 100% sure I was losing the twins.’
“At first he was speechless, and then asked me if it was real. Next thing I know he is in tears, then I’m in tears.”
‘As I read their story, I cried. Not because I was regretting giving ‘my’ babies to someone else, but because I knew they were the ones meant to raise these kids.’
“We didn’t care if he/she was married, their religion, their sexual preference…we just wanted to make sure it was someone who would love these children. It wouldn’t be long before we were matched with someone.”
