“He was ours. I knew exactly where I wanted to go. I wanted our first family picture to be of our entire family. We drove straight from the hospital to the cemetery.”
‘His breath became labored. My husband caressed his cheek and told him we’d be okay. But his eye searched ours, as if to be sure.’
‘I anxiously laid there, holding my husband’s hand with a big smile on our faces. Only this time, something was different. I frantically scanned the screen. I knew it.’
“I put on the ugly gown, the ugly socks and continue breathing techniques. My husband kisses my hand, kisses my forehead, and holds my hand the entire way. The mask goes on, and I slowly close my eyes.”
‘We had been waiting a long time for this moment. Our doctor shared big news: ‘Congratulations, I see 2 heartbeats!’ She continued the ultrasound. Suddenly, the demeanor in her face changed.’
“The palms of my hands were sweaty as I interlaced my fingers with Ryan’s. It felt like it was taking forever for her to share with us what she was seeing in my womb.”
‘They said, ‘You’re lucky you don’t have kids.’ I had just had my first miscarriage.’
“I went back to work the next day taking orders at a drive-in while someone was complaining about their kids. I explained to them I had just miscarried, and I WOULD gladly take their place.”
‘It was so simple for me to accidentally get pregnant with my twins. Why couldn’t I do this for my wife?! I felt as if I was failing her. Something I never wanted to do.’
“This was something we both wanted SO badly, yet everything was going horribly wrong. This wasn’t full of whispers and giggles and kisses like we had thought. This was full of frustration, anger, and disappointment.”
‘After an emotionally wrenching, years-long battle with infertility, I made a deal. I promised God if He would let me get pregnant, I would read every word of the Bible, cover to cover, in 1 year.’
“I was pregnant 3 weeks later. And I thought that was where this miracle story would end.”
‘I would love to say it was love at first sight, but in all honesty, I never thought he could be our son. I was convinced we had a long wait in front of us.’
“I was devastated. What kind of woman, what kind of wife was I if I couldn’t have a baby? My identity was completely wrapped up in all the wrong ideas.”
‘For one brief moment, all was as it should be. Suddenly, without any warning, the path crumbled beneath our feet. I was severely hemorrhaging. I was bleeding out.’
“I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. I knew I was in trouble. I asked for my husband and heard his voice weakly manage to say, ‘I love you.’ He knew I was in trouble, too.”
‘He told us, ‘I’m afraid it’s your only chance.’ Even though I was nearing my mid 30’s, I didn’t think twice about my age.’
“I remember thinking, ‘This is it. This is our only hope.'”
‘For every woman unhappy with her postpartum marks, there is one wishing she had them.’ I once was her, the ‘one.’
“Some mama’s go home with only scars and no baby in their arms. For the ‘one’ wishing, hoping, praying for her miracle, this is for you.”
