“‘Landon, do you know where your dad is?’ He looked me in the eyes. ‘Yes, I do. He’s in heaven. I saw your other kids there, too.’ I knew what he was talking about, but how did he know? I had two miscarriages before he was born. We never told him. He was only 8 years old.”
‘One second. One stoplight. I heard him yell. There were no flashing lights, no warning signs. I kept praying he’d just open his eyes.’ Little boy dies 3 times, meets mother’s miscarried babies while in coma
‘I was the victim of a rape. I had a professor who propositioned me, a boyfriend who passed away, a stalker, and cancer—twice. I’m no stranger to a painful past.’
“Easter is about waiting. I know, that sounds absurd. This is a holiday about a Friday free from work and fake grass you’ll be finding around your house for the remainder of the year. It’s about Peeps and your people. A guy on a cross and a guy in a (rather scary) bunny suit. Jesus waited 3 days; it took me 33 years.”
‘I bought every plaid skirt I could find, because Cher wore plaid skirts in ‘Clueless.’ I shopped at Express and pretended to like the movie ‘She’s All That.’
“When I was in junior high, I wore Tommy Hilfiger polos, Dr. Martens and I doused myself in CK One perfume, because everyone else was. I had no idea who I was. I became a continual copy-cat, and it continued into adulthood. I didn’t know any other way to be. I was exhausted.”
‘I wouldn’t even let you watch my DOG,’ the attorney said to me. I lost custody of my firstborn, my baby girl. I began sobbing. Then WOW, a miracle happened.’
“I had already seen my daughter, at 2 years old, my ‘angel baby,’ be taken over by this ‘STRANGER.’ Now here I am, years later with my son. I began to see this ‘stranger’ steal another one of my baby’s personalities. I had always looked forward to motherhood. BUT THIS?! Why my babies?!”
‘My husband was my rock. But he was secretly falling apart as well. I thought it was because he never mourned our baby girl. He had been having an affair.’
“Not only had he been having an affair, but he ‘loved’ this other woman. We were approached about a pregnant woman looking for an adoptive family for her baby. I begged. My husband had a vasectomy and we paid an absurd amount of money to get it reversed. Chances were slim.”
‘You know what I don’t remember about my childhood Christmases? I don’t remember anything being especially decorated.’
“I don’t remember Pottery Barn centerpieces or monogrammed stockings. I don’t remember Pinterest-worthy trees or anything that would make one declare, ‘That is so precious. I must Instagram it immediately.’ That all might have been there. But if it was, I don’t remember.”
‘How much will it take to make this man drool?’ Prostitution sounds like an okay option. Pole dancing looks fun too. Why not? These were serious questions I was asking myself at 17.’
“My life seemed to have no worth. I tried to avoid being home at all costs. The next week I made the phone call that would change the course of my life. It was a crazy idea and I knew it.”
‘Dear white moms, what I need you to know…’
“You are my friends. You are my sisters. We are the same in more ways than we are different, but there are a few things I need you to know.”
‘This is miscarriage. The belly that still looks bloated and pregnant, but isn’t. The headaches and cramps still left over from hormones that haven’t yet gotten the memo.’
“The waiting room where now 6 times I have had to embarrassingly walk by other waiting patients, puffy, red and with mascara dripping down my cheeks.”
‘We were two hurting people, hurting each other. We spent 2 years in therapy, weekly. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed.’
“I wasn’t about to tell anyone how difficult married life was. It certainly wasn’t what I hoped, imagined, or dreamt it would be. I was so lonely.”
