“I hated the weight gain. It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if I had just looked 9 months pregnant from the start; but that slow gain that made people second guess if you were pregnant, or just eating all the carbs you could get your hands on, was a real self-esteem killer.”
‘I hated being pregnant. I know I’m not supposed to say that, but I did.’
‘I wanted to hold her, nurse her, bond with her, but we did not have that chance. We did not get to follow any birth plan. Our plan was simply to survive.’
“Little did I know that holding her for the first time could be my last, as I was diagnosed with postpartum HELLP syndrome and admitted to the ICU that night.”
‘If this turns positive, it is freaking baby Jesus,’ I said to my husband as I finished peeing on a pregnancy test. He was holding our newborn baby girl we just brought home through adoption.’
“My husband started reading the box saying aloud, ‘Noooo, I don’t think two lines mean positive.’ He handed me two other tests, which both immediately returned positives. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So, I did both.”
‘My husband announced he canceled his vasectomy, and was willing to ‘try for one more.’ I propped up in disbelief, listening to the Doppler’s drumming. Two babies? Twins!?’
“This was taking a long time. Had the last ultrasound been this quiet? My eyes scrutinized the facial expressions of each technician. Concern over whether or not our girls may have Down syndrome, outshone the fact that they without a doubt had heart defects.”
‘When she moved or kicked, the pain brought me to my knees. Maybe I had a stomach bug. Little did I know this was going to be the most terrifying day of my life.’
“I was strapped down so I couldn’t move. ‘What if I feel him cut into me?’ My husband sat at my head and wiped away the tears that ran down my face.”
‘I was pushing while nurses were rushing to break down the bed, my husband and a soon-to-be dad on each side, and a soon-to-be mom gloving up to help deliver HER baby.’
“He walked in and said, ‘What’s going on? I was just in here, she’s at 5.’ Nurse said, ‘NO, she’s not! It’s time! NOW!’ Everything was a blur. Tears streaming down my face – my mind racing – I was carrying someone else’s dreams.”
‘Do you want to tell me about her?’ I will never forget the way you leaned in, just like we were friends, and asked me about Dorothy.
“Thank you to the nurse who dressed my baby and took her picture. Thank you for making sure her hat didn’t cover her eyes and that her hands were positioned so gracefully. That picture means the world to us.”
‘I held my baby and cried. I’ve never felt so alone and helpless. But then, I felt a cold nose on my arm. He was looking up at me to say, ‘Don’t worry Mom, you’re not alone. You have me.’
“He is my Service dog, and my best friend. I needed a C-section. When the time, I gave him a wink and a short goodbye. ‘Can I see it?’ ‘It sure is a noisy little thing!’ ‘Let me see, let me see!’”
‘My friend had an extra one-piece which was NOT made for someone 34 weeks pregnant. It turned her gorgeous suit into a wrestling thong slinglet on my preggo bod.’
“To top it off, there was a catered Chipotle buffet… I literally ate 12 tacos minimum. No bull. I went back for fourths. I had contractions kicking up all day while in my thongkini – and I wound up in labor and delivery.”
‘I didn’t love my daughter at first sight. I look at that picture and cringe. I just wanted to be left alone. I felt so heartless.’
“There the nurse was, taking this baby’s head and shoving it into my boob to start breastfeeding. ‘She’s your baby!’ I would tell myself, ‘just bond with her.’ I’ve made a huge mistake here.”
