“Growing up, there was this football field behind my house. I’d go there and lie down in the middle of the it, looking up at the sky and begging God to strike me with a lightning bolt. And just change me. Change my body. Every day I did this, and woke up sobbing. I didn’t have a word for how I felt. I knew I was attracted to women. But I also knew I felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.”
‘Please, when I wake up, change me into a boy.’ I’d make deals with God and wake up excited. Nothing changed.’: Transgender man finally ‘at peace,’ loves who he sees ‘looking back in the mirror’
‘Mom, I’m gay.’ I was crying so loudly. ‘So what? You’re my son. Nothing is going to change.’: Man loses mother to heart attack, wishes he ‘thanked her for her words’
“It was Christmas time. I’d just finished getting my tree and laid down when my brother called. ‘Mom passed.’ Time stopped. Silence. I instantly threw up. The next day, I drove home. The first thing I saw was her pile of presents. She’d wrapped them and when she finished, she sat down and never got up again. I wish I could’ve thanked her, told her how much her words meant to me. I thought I had more time but, out of nowhere, time ran out.”
‘She’s so beautiful.’ ‘Yeah, RIGHT. She’s Christian! You don’t have a chance.’: LGBTQ couple thrives despite hate, claim ‘love is so much stronger than words’
“Then, she slid in my inbox! ‘I dare you to come outside and kiss me.’ We met at the stairs, looked at each other, her hand softly grabbed my face. Her lips felt like my missing puzzle piece. Everyone told us it wouldn’t work, that same-sex couples were an abomination. I’m so glad I didn’t listen. When you know, you know.”
‘Are you a boy or a girl?’ My daughter responded with the craziest look on her face. ‘I’m a girl!’ I knew she was gay. I always knew she was ‘different.’
“By the time she was 4, her tomboy phase became something different. I remember getting her ready for school. ‘Mom, I want to dress like a girl today!,’ she said. I went out to the living room and told my husband to ‘not make a big deal about what she was wearing.’ He was her protector.”
‘I came out during my valedictorian speech. For years, I kept my secret hidden until it ate away at my conscience. I cut everyone off, paranoid they’d notice.’
“I was taught that men do not cry, so all of my emotions were kept inside. When the day came, I was extremely nervous. I changed my mind over 15 times. I was sweating and told myself I couldn’t do it. But I knew I had to.”
‘I know you’re a boy,’ she whispered, tucking me in and kissing my forehead. My eyes widened. I hid who I was and planned to never tell a soul.’
“I went home and slipped off my dress, praying I’d wake up a normal boy. What was I going to tell my mom? Would my family still love me? Am I going to be safe? I hoped to fake my death and live as a boy, nobody knowing my past.”
‘In the blink of an eye, we traded our passion for the typical American dream. The house, the yard, the white picket fence. We fell in step with everyone around us. Then, something changed.’
“Her name was Codi. She was the rainbow we didn’t know we were missing. We were done waiting for the kids to grow up, waiting for the house to be paid off. So, we put it on the market, bought the RV we always wanted, and sold absolutely everything. Our hearts and family grew a little bigger.”
‘Her uterus is beautiful.’ We were proud and mortified. She was 60! She couldn’t have a baby, could she?.’: LGBT couple welcome baby after grandmother volunteers as surrogate, sister donates eggs
“We mentioned we needed a surrogate during a big family dinner. My husband’s mom casually said, ‘Oh, I love being pregnant! If you’re taking names, put mine in the hat!’ We laughed lovingly at the unrealistic gesture, alternating between pure excitement and terror. Our far-fetched idea was now a soon-to-be-real daughter with a name, Uma Louise.”
‘I was told, ‘This will jumpstart your desire for women!’ Being gay was NOT an option. It was a ticket to hell.’
“I closed the blinds of my home, stopped answering my phone, and resigned from my position. Two weeks later, I sat in my dining room table with a close friend. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. I hoped it would be the last time.”
‘We were two girls having fun or so we thought. We loved each other at 16-years-old.’: Young women fall in love in secret and worry about their love being ‘accepted’
“I was sick of being a secret as if it was wrong or dirty, as if our love wasn’t acceptable. I returned home to find a sign on my gate door saying, ‘this way to happy ever after.’ I thought nothing of it. Zaynah stood there looking as pretty as a picture with a build a bear teddy and a rose which said, ‘I Love You, Will You Marry Me?’“
