“When I woke hours later, my partner and I were met by the serious face of one of the pediatricians. There is no way to explain how I felt at that moment, other than devastated. I was convinced I must have done something during my pregnancy to cause this.”
‘When you hear, ‘twin one is fine, but…’ your life is about to change. When I finally saw him after his birth, I could hardly process the absence. It was a blank, featureless canvas.’
‘His eyes would shake back and forth. He started throwing his head back, screaming at the top of his lungs. He had lost so much weight. Something was terribly wrong with my bundle of joy.’
“Three doctors came in. They told us we needed to sit down and relax. Nothing could ever have prepared us for what they were about to say. I just sat there, blank. He’s just a baby.”
‘If she says mama, I won’t be able to go through with it.’ I never would have imagined the child we adopted would be my own cousin.’
“She never told him she was pregnant with me. To this day, he has absolutely no idea I exist.”
‘Mom! You are white and I am brown, and that means Martin made it so you could adopt me!’ He grabbed his little brother’s hand. ‘Look! Martin’s dream came true.’
“He was 4 the first time kids told him he couldn’t play with them on the playground because he was black. I wasn’t prepared for any of it.”
‘We talked about meeting all year. So many feelings were running through me. In a perfect world, they could have both been saved, but that isn’t our story.’
“It was different with them — almost as if he’s known them for ages. We would give anything to have our baby back.”
‘He pushed his way in. ‘Sit on the couch!,’ he demanded. He told me he was going to stay all night. I begged him to leave. Then he came up with an idea: ‘I’ll leave if you have sex with me.’
“When he was finished, he uttered the words, ‘You didn’t think I was actually going to leave, did you?’”
‘She turned the screen towards us. ‘Here is baby number 1, here is baby number 2…’ ‘PLEASE STOP COUNTING!,’ is all I could manage to say. The room fell quiet.’
“How could this be happening? How could we possibly be expecting TWO more babies just 4 MONTHS after the birth of our son? But it was. It was a punch in a gut. The kind of news that took your breath away.”
‘Then came the call. ‘Come to NYC and get your daughter. She’ll land in 3 days!’ We immediately jumped on the plane, but then a hiccup.’
“Just 2 days later we got a text in our agency group. ‘Who was the family that was interested in a deaf child?’ Well that was us, and now we are going to adopt 2 girls?! No, we couldn’t do that. So we had a HUGE decision to make.”
‘Fifteen days after this picture was taken, this sweet girl’s dad – her best friend, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She would only have him 18 more months.’
“What you see in this picture, and what I see in this picture, are two very different things. You might see a little girl in a hotel room, preparing for a gymnastics meet in Las Vegas, looking out on the world from her hotel room. But, I see something different.”
‘I heard my name. ‘Are you Suzanne?’ A woman approached me. I was confused, even scared I had done something wrong. ‘Yes?,’ I said nervously.’
“He cried for what felt like 24 straight hours. He felt like an idiot for believing. I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t really have any.”
