“I always have the perfect response in my brain, but I was stunned and speechless. She cut me off and said, ‘I’m pretty bold when I’m asking questions.’”
‘I was getting my meat at the butcher. She proceeded to ask me, ‘You gonna get your tubes tied then?’ HALT.’
‘I open up a box of tampons and they all come falling out. My son asks, ‘what’s that?’ I say, ‘they’re baby mice!’ ‘Aww cute!,’ he said, while I’m internally laughing.’
“My son starts saying cute things at the doctor. He looks her in the eyes and says, ‘My mommy puts baby mice in her bum bum.’ The doctor looks horrified and says, ‘pardon?'”
‘He was 6 months old and only 9 pounds. I am a living nightmare. They knew it was all a tremendous f*ck up. They knew he was like this because of them.’
“I got the call around 3:30 a.m. I spent 9 months preparing for that call. 9 months worth of nights obsessively checking the volume on the phone, making sure it was charged, that it was close by, that I hadn’t somehow missed any calls. Well I got my call. Loud and clear.”
‘You wouldn’t have lost weight at the holocaust.’ I had things like ‘fatty’ and ‘ugly hippo’ scrawled across every school book page. I felt like dying. I felt like giving up.’
“I was shoved down the stairs by a drunk guy at a party. ‘You are going too slow,’ he said as he pushed me. Once again, visuals of high school flooded my head, and I started to feel myself giving up.”
‘You’re so damn tired you don’t want to be touched. When it came to sleep or sex, sleep always won.’
“Our first year as parents, we had sex maybe 5 times. I was neck deep in my postpartum depression and anxiety, which didn’t help.”
‘I did something horrible. I broke all my rules. I told my son not to eat too much crap or he will get fat.’
“I can’t believe I said it. The words rolled out of my mouth and I immediately regretted it.”
‘I woke up to hear him gasping. I thought, ‘Is this actually happening?’ As I watched my husband turn blue to gray, I cried to PLEASE not take him! I begged him not to leave me and the boys.’
“His exact words were, ‘People drinking these drinks are playing Russian Roulette with their lives.’ I was blown away. I couldn’t believe just one drink could do this damage.”
‘But Daddy never messes up,’ my son added. ‘Yes, I know, little one, he was one of those who was born perfect.’
‘I want you to mess up. I want you to get distracted by your phone at story time. I want for you to fight in front of your kids. I want you to leave your power-sliding van door open. I want you to yell.”
‘Loving the girl who lost her father. This role isn’t for the faint of heart.’
“You adore a woman who will forever be a little girl who lost her daddy. The very first man who loved her is no longer hers to have.”
‘What do you do with all the ‘stuff?’ It’s gut-wrenching for parents who lost a child. The dreams of a baby in the nursery are no longer viable, and now you are left with ‘stuff.’
“Our nursery sat untouched. I couldn’t open the door. There was no need for 3 burping pillows. But, there was one box that sat in our basement for nearly 2 years. I held my breath as I opened that final storage box.”
