“My family and I were on our way to a cruise vacation when my doctor called, asking me to come in. ‘I don’t think you should go on that vacation,’ he said. What the heck?! Oh no, I was going on vacation! Then, he gave me a quick and dirty update on my situation. I felt like I was in a dream state. I started to cry. I pride myself on being very strong and independent, but in that moment, I was TERRIFIED. I wasn’t sure I’d be around to see my children grow up.”
‘I didn’t feel sick, I didn’t look sick. Yet, my body was attacking itself AND my baby.’: Woman’s ‘leg swelling’ dismissed as ‘old age’ at 33, later diagnosed with Lupus
‘I think I made a mistake. A mistake in having him at all,’ I texted. I wished to GOD I could go back to pre-child life. ‘You are not meant to be a mother,’ I told myself.’ Woman’s severe struggle with postpartum depression
“I vividly remember hearing my baby cry for the first time and feeling… nothing. ‘Mom he looks just like you!,’ the doctor said. I tried to squeeze out a tear because that’s what new moms do, right? I tried to feel happiness. It wasn’t there.”
‘I love when you are healthy, and can play with me,’ my son said. That CRUSHED me. I was forced to observe my son from a distance, watching his life from afar. I couldn’t join in.’
“When my husband and I decided to have a second child, crap hit the fan. I felt like a failure, yet nothing was ‘officially’ wrong with me. I would overdo it just to show him I was a good mom. I would regret it later.”
‘I was out at a restaurant. ‘I’m not feeling well,’ I said. I knew something was wrong. Shaking, I excused myself and drove straight home. When I got back, my world crumbled around me.’
“I crawled to the bathroom. I couldn’t stand up without blacking out. I was paralyzed. I was supposed to be getting ready to go off to college with friends and I suddenly found myself unable to get out of bed. The wheelchair made others roll their eyes. ‘You don’t need that,’ they said. ‘Faker.’
‘I can tell by the tears in your eyes no one has believed you, have they?,’ he asked. ‘No, they haven’t.’ He then replied, ‘Well I believe you.’ I had felt like a crazy person.’
“This man was 11 years older than me. We ended up getting married. I felt pressured into this marriage, as if I had no other option. So I did. He had dark secrets. I remember screaming for help. But no one would.”
‘I’m ok to keep repeating until I pass.’ This is my adopted brother. His mother died of lupus; his father has a new family now. He’d need to repeat 6th grade.’
“People question ‘why was he allowed to graduate with that kind of average?’ or ‘he is barely able to read and write, how did he pass?’ The thing is, he tried and kept trying. We never scolded him, never made him feel like he did not know anything. We never made him feel bad about himself.”
‘I was struggling so bad mentally my doctor wanted to admit me to a mental health facility. But at one of my routine lab draws, we found out I was pregnant. I was absolutely terrified. I was in no place to have a baby.’
“Watching him leave was one of the most difficult times in my life. He got on the bus and headed off and I bawled my eyes out as I watched the bus drive off. I missed school the next couple days because I was so upset about watching him leave, knowing I wouldn’t have any contact with him.”
‘I thought, ‘How is THIS nothing to worry about?’ The walls were closing in. Everything turned black and I couldn’t move my body. ‘It’s common for college students to be under a lot of stress.’
“I decided to request one specific blood test; one that was much harder to receive than it should have been. I had to basically force my doctor to test me. One week later, I was finally given the answer I had been longing so badly for.”
‘There’s NO WAY I’m pregnant!’ In my mind, having a baby would save my marriage and fix EVERYTHING. I silently made an appointment with my OBGYN.’
“All alone in the bathroom at work, I felt my life was over. I was a failure. I couldn’t make my marriage work. I couldn’t carry a baby. Tie my tubes or just take everything out.”
‘My friends invited me for a weekend getaway. I got a few itchy bites. ‘Are you pregnant?’ ‘Maybe it’s bacterial?’ This was a disease I had never heard of. There is NO cure for it.’
“I assumed it was the flu. I drank plenty of fluids and stayed in bed. But I wasn’t getting better. I had shooting pains all the way up my spine, as if someone was sawing me open. I went back to the doctor. ‘I think it’s food poisoning.’ ‘Maybe cancer.’ ‘HIV.’ ‘Is it possible you’re pregnant?’ No.”
