lupus

‘I didn’t feel sick, I didn’t look sick. Yet, my body was attacking itself AND my baby.’: Woman’s ‘leg swelling’ dismissed as ‘old age’ at 33, later diagnosed with Lupus

“My family and I were on our way to a cruise vacation when my doctor called, asking me to come in. ‘I don’t think you should go on that vacation,’ he said. What the heck?! Oh no, I was going on vacation! Then, he gave me a quick and dirty update on my situation. I felt like I was in a dream state. I started to cry. I pride myself on being very strong and independent, but in that moment, I was TERRIFIED. I wasn’t sure I’d be around to see my children grow up.”

‘I think I made a mistake. A mistake in having him at all,’ I texted. I wished to GOD I could go back to pre-child life. ‘You are not meant to be a mother,’ I told myself.’ Woman’s severe struggle with postpartum depression

“I vividly remember hearing my baby cry for the first time and feeling… nothing. ‘Mom he looks just like you!,’ the doctor said. I tried to squeeze out a tear because that’s what new moms do, right? I tried to feel happiness. It wasn’t there.”

‘I was out at a restaurant. ‘I’m not feeling well,’ I said. I knew something was wrong. Shaking, I excused myself and drove straight home. When I got back, my world crumbled around me.’

“I crawled to the bathroom. I couldn’t stand up without blacking out. I was paralyzed. I was supposed to be getting ready to go off to college with friends and I suddenly found myself unable to get out of bed. The wheelchair made others roll their eyes. ‘You don’t need that,’ they said. ‘Faker.’

‘I was struggling so bad mentally my doctor wanted to admit me to a mental health facility. But at one of my routine lab draws, we found out I was pregnant. I was absolutely terrified. I was in no place to have a baby.’

“Watching him leave was one of the most difficult times in my life. He got on the bus and headed off and I bawled my eyes out as I watched the bus drive off. I missed school the next couple days because I was so upset about watching him leave, knowing I wouldn’t have any contact with him.”

‘My friends invited me for a weekend getaway. I got a few itchy bites. ‘Are you pregnant?’ ‘Maybe it’s bacterial?’ This was a disease I had never heard of. There is NO cure for it.’

“I assumed it was the flu. I drank plenty of fluids and stayed in bed. But I wasn’t getting better. I had shooting pains all the way up my spine, as if someone was sawing me open. I went back to the doctor. ‘I think it’s food poisoning.’ ‘Maybe cancer.’ ‘HIV.’ ‘Is it possible you’re pregnant?’ No.”

 Share  Tweet