“Tears were toppling from my unmoving gaze, the sound of them dripping onto the pillow beneath me was deafening. ‘Please just let me see his face. I can still feel the panic washing over me as my husband left my side. I can still hear the final scream hanging in the sterile air.”
‘I remember being ripped open. ‘Let me tell him I love him. Just once.’ I can hear the final scream.’: New mom battles traumatic labor and postpartum depression, ‘Some stories don’t have happy endings’
‘I’m not enough for my son.’ Pregnant at 19, my relationship was a toxic monster. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror.’: Mom details PPD and finding love, ‘Authentic love speaks volumes’
“Our love was like a beast that devoured us both. We’d talk for hours about light and darkness and all of the mystery that was him and I. He accepted my past and my child as if he was his own.”
‘I never thought it would come to this. My beloved grandma died when I was 22 weeks pregnant. ‘I don’t feel happy at all.’: Woman with postpartum depression says ‘admitting something is wrong was the first step’
“I closed the bedroom door and said, ‘I’m not here.’ The people who shouted the loudest before I gave birth: ‘I’m here to help you, I’ll come over and look after the baby, do some shopping, etc.’ I haven’t seen or talked to them since my baby was born.”
‘It was like poison to my body, killing me from the inside out. I wasn’t prepared for the ache of failure when we just couldn’t figure out what was hurting you.’: Woman pens touching letter to child after struggle with postpartum depression
“But I promise you, I will pick myself up from those inevitable tough moments and I will try harder next time. I will learn from my mistakes and I will teach you the same. I hope my love for you is enough.”
‘I was shackled to this infant while my fiancé escaped to his 9 to 5 job. Her arrival spun me into a fear I’d never known.’: New mom copes with the reality of motherhood, ‘Most days I could barely get past my mailbox’
“As an only child raised by a single father, I was raised to be an independent woman. I was limitless. My fiancé barely tamed me, knowing if I set my mind to it, it would happen. The mundane cycle of robotic caring for my newborn was chipping away at my Gypsy soul. I felt trapped and terrified. I could no longer come and go as I please. My nipples bled, my breasts were engorged and I wanted to give up. I thought I could give birth and return to school only 10 days later.”
‘I was told I should be grateful for being able to have kids in the first place.’: Mom advocates for others with postpartum depression, ‘Don’t ever feel alone in this.’
“I remember them pushing on my stomach trying to get it out and seeing the fear in my doctors’ faces. ’Kiera, we are going to have to take you right into surgery.’ I couldn’t believe it. Was it something I did? Where is everyone talking about the complications that can go wrong? I try and remember that having two healthy, fed kids is all that matters.”
‘I got pregnant at 22 because I wanted someone to show me unconditional love. I remember seeing my baby for the first time and thinking, ‘Ugh.’
“I loved my son, but I would have harmful thoughts. ‘He is so small, what if I just suffocated him?’ I heard stories on the news of women killing their children and I would think, ‘Oh my gosh, is that going to be me?’”
‘Mommy is sick and needs to go to the doctor.’ I begged them to admit me to a psych ward. ‘You don’t fit the criteria,’ I was told. It was a hard pill to swallow. So, I admitted myself.’: Mom urges ‘it’s totally okay to ask for the damn help’ when struggling with mental illness
“I didn’t know what to expect. I thought, ‘Where am I sleeping? Should my kids come visit? Can I get fresh air?’ I remember feeling like a lab rat. The doors were locked and I needed to be buzzed in and out. One day when eating, I felt a presence. It was him.”
