“I always knew there was something wrong. ‘I’m not sick, I don’t need to take medication.’ It would intensify. I had so many questions. Why wasn’t she like other moms? Why were there times she wasn’t there? Why did she sleep so much? Why did her emotions change so drastically? All the built-up emotions from my childhood hit me like a ton of bricks.”
‘Why is Mami in the hospital?’ She’d turn manic. It was like walking on eggshells.’: Young woman recounts growing up with mom battling bipolar disorder, ‘days without sleeping’
‘He caught me off guard. ‘Let’s meet.’ Weeks later, the inevitable happened. My fairy tale was under attack. My sorority sisters called the police, who brought me to the hospital. It’s all hazy.’
“I started to see signs all around me. It seemed as though clues were everywhere and everyone was in on it. I had no words, but the real me was crying out, ‘What is going on?!’ I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. My mind was stripped of everything.”
‘I was extremely nervous to tell her. Without missing a beat she replied, ‘That doesn’t change anything for me. I want to be with you.’
“I was so afraid of being found out and hospitalized, I hid my feelings. After a half hour of awkward stuttering, I finally spit it out by saying I understood if she didn’t want to continue this relationship.”
‘I was taken in a police car. Alone, I sat in a room overnight. An old friend and unexpected flame circled back into my life. I hesitated to connect with him because of my illness. I wasn’t myself.’
“The next morning, though I was states away, he was waiting in visitation for me in the hospital. I saw the pain in his eyes. When it would have been easy to notice only the illness, he saw me. Even in the darkness, he had hope.”
‘Nobody thought I had a problem, I was just the life of the party. I was reaching out for help, but doctors didn’t believe me. I was even suicidal on my wedding day.’
“I knew something was terribly wrong. I was in law school about to collapse on the floor of my dorm room when I realized my life would never be the same again. It was like an all-night-long strobe light party in my brain.”
