“‘You are having twins!’ I looked at my husband. We were in total shock. When we went to the doctor experiencing bleeding, we were sure something else was the issue — not twins. It was a dream come true. Minutes later, I sat on the toilet. I heard a ‘pop.’ I felt this flow of water between my legs.”
‘You’ve caught an infection. If we don’t remove these babies, you will become sepsis. You can die.’ Tears ran down my face. ‘This is not where I hoped to see you,’ my doctor said. Neither did I.’
‘I kept my baby. Even though I was 16, when everyone told me ‘kids shouldn’t have kids’ or that I’d ‘ruin my life,’ I kept my baby.’
“I knew some would think I slept around, that I was promiscuous. I knew that girls would talk. I knew there was a pill that could ‘take it all away.’ But I knew that was a lie anyway.”
‘You’re too young to get married,’ they said. I was 22, fresh out of college. This man was 8 years my senior. ‘What do you see in him? It will never work.’
“If you can get past my pencil-thin eyebrows in this picture, then you might see LOVE. Young love. ‘What is he doing with someone your age?,’ they asked. Well, I’ve got some words for you.”
‘No one sits next to a letterboard with wine all the time. They’d be too drunk to operate social media. For real.’
“These moms must have better jobs, better houses, better lives because everything looks perfect. They also all must be alcoholics, because everyone is always drinking all the time. Seriously, how are you not dead? One drink for me. Then one day I got a comment saying how awesome my life must be. My heart sunk.”
‘I want to go see her.’ He said through his tears. ‘I’m so blessed to have found her. I wouldn’t trade one moment I had with her.’ We all needed tissues. He misses her so much it hurts.’
“We asked him if he knew what today was. ‘Is it someone’s birthday?,’ he asked. We told him it was his anniversary – what would have been his and mom’s 69th. He started crying. ‘Would you like to go to the cemetery to take her some flowers?’ He sat, in silence.”
‘John has hit his head. We’re on the way to pick you up,’ he said. ‘HIS HEAD?’ The room suddenly felt different, as if the air was being sucked out. Oh God no. ‘Maryanne, are you there?’
“My husband had responded to a break and enter complaint and was searching for an intruder. I raced to his side and grabbed his hand. ‘I love you,’ I whispered in his ear. No response. ‘I love you, John.’ And then, it happened again.”
‘How far apart are your boys?’ When I tell them their age, they say, ‘Oh, you must be busy!’ But sometimes I wish they’d ask me how my body is holding up.’
“About the ball the size of a grapefruit I found in my stomach. The back-to-back pregnancies, two C-sections, the countless hours nursing, and the baby weight that won’t come off. I honestly feel like a deflated balloon most of the time.”
‘Tell the truth. When you were dating your wife, and she got so comfortable that she started to pack on the pounds, you noticed.’
“You noticed when she started to lose her desire for hanky panky. We don’t need you to lie or pretend that our current reality is different than it is. We just want to be noticed.”
‘My mother-in-law wore a wedding dress to MY wedding. I didn’t think to ask what she planned to wear. It ended without anyone being shoved into the champagne fountain.’
“The morning of the wedding, all the women in the bridal party crammed into a tiny room in the church. Then, she walks in. I see it. My sister kept looking at me, then my mother-in-law, then the cop the venue made us hire. She pulled me aside, hoping I didn’t go for his taser.”
‘I choked out, ‘So, their dad and I are no longer living together.’ 8 months into fostering two of the girls, and 2 months after saying ‘yes!’ to adopting, my children’s father and I separated.’
“We had 5 kids and had just celebrated 6 years of marriage. Our entire life crashed, the walls built with facades and fantasies. I was secretly dying inside. It was silent, painful. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be taking family photos without a husband, my children’s father.”
