“I imagined sipping Arnold Palmers on the deck, casually thumbed through the newspaper we would obviously be mature enough to have delivered by then. What I did NOT imagine was me at 5:14 a.m., shushing children from my bedroom, shouting, ‘IN THIS FAMILY, CHILDREN DO NOT GET UP BEFORE 6!’ and shoving a small corner of my pillowcase in my ear. I think we can all agree that raising children isn’t exactly how we pictured it.”
‘Heaven forbid we decide to play hooky to visit Santa before our holiday break officially begins.’: Witty mom admits parenting isn’t at all what she imagined, ‘We haven’t breached the truancy threshold just yet’
‘Why would she do this?! She’s such a pretty girl.’: Woman recounts suicide attempt after devastating breakup by swallowing bottle of Tylenol
“I’d been dating this guy. He was respectful to me. The kind of guy any mom would be thrilled to see their daughter dating. Then he broke up with me. I had to make the pain go away. I swallowed the entire bottle. I didn’t count, I just took. I called my mom to tell her what I’d just done. By the time she arrived, I was slowly drifting in and out.”
What I Want My Child To Know After They F*ck Up
“In anticipation of an occurrence that I wholeheartedly hope never happens, but undoubtedly know will, I have preemptively drafted myself a script that I will hopefully remember in the coming years…”
